How I'm Dealing with the Pandemic

     So, let's jump back in time to a year ago.  I walked out of my old job, learning to take on life one step at a time with no future ahead of me.  I knew that I wanted to work in customer service, I sorta wanted to move into a field I could be creative, I was happy to find just about any job at all where maybe I could settle into a full-time position that allowed me to occasionally work from home.  And I started my job hunt, but as the summer months wore on with only a bite or two, I stepped back from all of that.

     I got sick off and on from the stress and taught my body how to relax.  I was still anxious, still depressed, but I was being forced to stay home and not work myself to the bone as I had in retail.  I set up my office to better serve my painting needs, I opened an online store that I've (quite honestly) lost interest in now for the most part, but only because I feel like I wasn't hitting a niche that needed to be filled.  And all of my craft shows have been canceled (but more on that later).

     I spent my days working from my home more or less alone, but I worked and I made sure that I had some kind of routine.  It was a "job", albeit a fun one where I could watch YouTube videos and paint all day long but it was work.

     Then I found an actual job that completely sucked, and thankfully I got out of that soon enough and found my new job around the holidays which had the option to work from home once I got comfortable with it.  But I never felt like I needed to and I worried about my cats bugging me while on phone calls, so I didn't push to work from home.  In fact, until I was forced to in March, I'd never prepared to work from home at all.

     Then the pandemic hit, or rather the "Unpleasantness" as one of my favorite YouTubers calls it.

     Suddenly I find myself back at this desk where I'd made my creative space.  I lost most of my desk to a laptop and a second monitor, but overall, it's very similar to the schedule I kept when I didn't have a job.  Get up, get on my desk, do my work, wait until dinner, and then do other things until bed and starting over again.

     When I didn't have a job, I didn't leave the house because doing so meant spending money. Money was hard to come by when I wasn't working, and even with the normal bills I had and no extras I slowly saw my checking account disappear month after month.

     

      So for the few months, we weren't allowed to go out, I did pretty much what I did before.  Stayed home, maybe went for the occasional walk, haven't gone crazy spending money online because the shopping bug for me has almost completely gone away.  I kinda wish sometimes I could just get rid of a lot of the things I've gathered up over the years and when I do think about spending money I think about all the other crap I have laying around here.

     Mind you, I did finally splurge on a couple things only because I wanted to feel...I dunno, normal, again?

     Anyway, so as far as things go, my life hasn't changed too much...yet.  But you see, there are all of these other things that have really changed that I have tried to ignore.  All of the canceled events.  I haven't been able to go anywhere because things have been closed down.  Then I hurt my foot a couple of weeks ago and walking has been sporadic so I don't hurt it much more than I already have... so my one "free" outing was put on hold for a while, sadly.

     I'm mostly rambling here if you haven't noticed, so if you're keeping up with this, kudos to you!

     So now things are opening again.  I made my first purchase on Amazon yesterday in months.  I went to a store last weekend and shopped (albeit with a mask).  I'm still working from home but this last week has been so nice because I've been able to stay off the phone and just concentrate on emails for folks as we tested something so that's pretty awesome too.  I've been painting again so that's awesome too.

     But... I don't think I want to go out to restaurants.  I'm afraid of going to the mall to see how many stores won't reopen (or only for business closing sales).  I don't have a need for anything in my life besides food, mind you, and grocery stores are tolerable still.  But I worry about people getting sick and getting ME sick and I don't feel like shopping is worth it anymore.

     I don't mind wearing masks and social distancing, that's fine.  I didn't like being close to others anyway so it's not all that different!  But I still worry about getting close to people even if I WANT to be close to people.  But I don't think we've gotten to a point where it will all turn out okay yet either.  It's too soon...things returning to normal... I guess I just don't want to face this new "normal" yet.

     And the fact that people just don't seem to want to follow the rules just aggravates me.  But, whatever, do what you do and I'll do what I do, but I'll probably stay home as I do it.

Pandemic #2 - Video Conferencing Woes

     I just wanted to get something off my chest.  So, I was out a job for six months, found a terrible one for a few months, tried again at a few places and secured a job where I could possibly work from home if needed, which was very fortuitous because here we are in the Corona Virus Pandemic and those places that are still open that aren't front line are working from home.  Thankfully, that includes yours truly, and I've been here for over a month now.  I almost feel like I've been working at home longer then I did in the office, although it'll be another month or so before that really happens.

      But in the meantime, things got set up to do video meetings at least once a day, if not three times a day, depending on how many manager one on ones and over conferencing I have to sit through.  It's bad enough that our jobs went from having a review once a week where no one really reviewed anything, to once a month where they reviewed one thing, to suddenly they're critiquing a bunch of things that I do, and I've failed at one already so now I'm stuck at home, anxious about the Pandemic and going outside...but also freaking the heck out about my reviews.  I feel like any moment I'm going to find myself in a conference call where they're going to say, "bring in your electronics, go get your stuff off your desk, you're done."

     Most likely I'm panicking a bit more than I should, but when the world is going to pot, your husband is complaining his job has slowed down so much everyone is fighting for work too, and one of you have to foot the bill at least to keep our lives the way they are...it's awfully stressful.

     And that's not even what I really came here to complain about!  My actual complaint is that I have one gal who hired in about week before me who has decided to become my direct competitor.  She started to have battles with who would get more phone calls in a day, and it wasn't really all that bad when we were in the office because we didn't really sit near one another and except for once a day I didn't even have to say anything to her.

     Now, because we're on the same "stand up meeting" every afternoon I have to listen to her EVERY DAY.  I didn't really like her all that much before, although the only thing I had to base that on was that she seemed kind of dumb.  I think she was feeling sorry for herself for having a baby out of wedlock and hadn't even wanted a kid.  She murmured that once during her first week when I said I didn't have kids which is probably the reason I looked younger then I am.  But from that day on, I think she turned it around to say she loved her baby sooo much and she wants another someday, and hopefully soon... trying to be my exact opposite it felt like.

      As I mentioned, after that point I really didn't have to talk to her too much but now she's on the video call and my coworkers ask about said baby over and over again.  The calls turn into long, drawn out conversations about her and the kid.  I mean, I understand most women are like that, but it's awkward and annoying to me.  I've never wanted children so when we talk about pets or cats instead I'm having a much better time since it's something I can relate to.

      Recently she's also started to show how much of a Trump supporter she is as well.  So, not only is she a breeder, she's a MAGA (sorry, it's probably rude terminology but I don't approve) and it's so frustrating because I don't really want to be anywhere near her now, either online or in the office.  I feel like she's going to become unbearable when she finally gets back into the office.

     So, that's what I've been grumbling about.  I like my job in essence, but it's become a lot lately for me.  I don't even know what to do but ignore her.  I miss when I didn't have someone who seems to be openly competing with me at every step of the way.  I just want to do my job as best I can and work my way up as I have in all of my other jobs, and I don't know how to push for that, but I'm worried that she's attempting to do that too and I don't want to compete with her... I just don't know how much I can do while I'm stuck at home.

Pandemic and Working from Home

     I keep thinking to myself that I need to document this time, especially since it's one that will most likely show up in all of the history books.  How we deal with a virus that has reached nearly every corner of the world (or at least the ones easily connected by airlines), it's amazing what can happen in just a few short months.
     I know it's a terrible thing that so many people are dying.  I know that so many more will still die before this whole thing is over.  People are panicking, buying up everything they can in case they are trapped inside for weeks or even months.  I had thought about that sort of thing in the back of my mind when it first started showing up in other parts of the world, although like many of the other pandemics that have occurred, the USA has been largely spared.
     Of course, no one thought it would reach as far as it did, and many of us were just thinking from time to time, what would we do?  But I don't think any of us took it seriously (except some random preppers anyway!)
     As for me, if anyone actually reads this, I was somewhat taking it seriously.  I've always tried to be prepared for a cold and the eventual quarantine inside of my home.  Heck, after I lost my job just one month shy of a year ago, I self-quarantined.  I didn't have money coming in and I got one bad cold after another.  Before long I'd dropped back on nearly all of my spending and had started a routine for myself.

     So, in a way, last year's joblessness was a preparation for this.

     One day I cleaned up my desk, made enough room to work on painting and posting items on my website (which I need to work on again during this time probably) and then scheduled a routine.  Get up, have breakfast, do a few chores, then go to "work" for about four or so hours a day, painting, doing other things and just overall making sure to keep "working".
     I also suffered from a lot of depression, a lot of anxiety and had a lot of moments of loneliness even when I knew I had people in my life who could come over and I could talk to.  But I did make it, and I pushed through.

     Now I'm working from home, quarantined from work until the end of March.  I set up my desk much like I did before (although now I have two computers, so painting is on hold for the time being).  But it's a lot like it was before.  Take a break from time to time, get lunch, read, and keep an eye on the queue and answering calls.
      A week ago they started murmurs about whether we would have to work from home.  I'd already started hearing talk about it so I started buying things for it in preparation.  Then they mentioned closing down schools...and by Friday we knew we'd have to set up to work.
     The weekend went by after that and the stores emptied out, people were emptying them out.  Toilet paper and towels were gone, food was gone, milk, eggs, bread and meats were gone.  Then the restaurants started shutting down all but take out and delivery.  People who worked for those restaurants got laid off.  Other stores started shutting down, not allowed to keep pushing forward, then the Governor started shutting down libraries, waterparks, museums, and anywhere else that a bunch of people could go to.  He stopped us from voting yesterday, pushing it off until June.
     A few smaller stores plug along, still open, not knowing what else to do.  People who vend at conventions are having online sales in hopes they can make ends meet.  Everything is shut down and the gas is cheap and the roads are empty.
   
     And even though, as I said, I know this is a terrible thing to be certain, it's also rather good in some ways.

     Pollution has gone waaaaay down.  Critters are returning to areas that have been chased out so long ago that people are surprised to see them there.  People are starting to do things for one another.  The government is actually thinking about doing stuff for the people instead of the businesses.  It's actually rather amazing.

     And yet, we still have to deal with being stuck inside our homes.  We have to worry about catching and spreading the virus.  I still worry about my Mom a whole lot because I'm not sure she's taking it very seriously since she doesn't like the news and has never been very up on world events.
     But, little bit by little bit, I think this might be a blessing for our planet.  I know, it's terrible who this virus might affect by the end, and sure, I could definitely be one of them by the time this is all over.

     I think, though, that I'm prepared.  Mentally I've always thought that I don't want to contribute to the world going up in flames.  I'd much rather not be part of the problem but the solution, even if I'm not entirely sure how I could be part of it.

     So, as I work from home waiting for that next phone call or that next email from someone who I more worried about things that aren't the worldwide pandemic, I'll sit here and be glad that the world is still moving on without us.  The trees are still getting ready to bloom, the rains are coming to make the grass green again, and the birds and other animals are enjoying their time outside where they haven't been able to be in decades.  And I'm actually okay with that.
     And if things get worse before they get better, then I'll continue keeping on because even with all of this because panicking never helped anyone.