My Life with Anime Figures - Part 1 (Trigun)

After spending a ridiculous amount of time watching vlogs about people opening figurines, showing off their collections, reviewing figurines and even pointing out the differences between bootleg figures and the real, I decided to start my own series of blogs on my own collection.  Since I don't own video editing software (although I'm sure my husband would love to get me into it if I asked) I'd much rather write since that's why I went to college.  Plus, with my super camera, it's awfully fun just to take pictures of the figures I've collected over the years.  Plus it's just a fun trip down memory lane.

I hesitate slightly to say that the Trigun figures to the right were my very first anime related figures.  I think they were, unless you count various Pokemon or perhaps a random other series.  These were, however, the first figures I bought at an anime convention.  Rewind the years back to 2004 in January near the beginning of the year when Ohayocon first moved to the Columbus Convention Center.  Well, more accurately the convention space at the Hyatt, as they weren't really big enough to expand into the convention center itself.  They had the dealer room in a banquet room across where then was only a row of windows letting onto a circle drive where people could be dropped off.

For giggles, here you see the back of my head as I was dressed as Milly Thompson from the Trigun series.  Behind us (unbeknownst to me) a rather popular cosplay photographer stood on a chair as my photo was being taken with a Wolfwood cosplayer by a Chii and Witch Hunter Robin.  Those were the days!  Fewer people cosplayed then just attended in normal clothes, and there was less anime you could easily get your hands on, although that would change in the next few years.  At the time, there were very few figures you could get without buying them at a convention or expensively getting them shipped overseas by someone sketchy.  I'd imagine a lot of the figures were either very cheaply produced (like my Trigun figures above) or super expensive.

Back to when I bought these figures.  So when I first walked into the vendor room I was by myself, only a little over a $100 in my pocket for three days of spending and food (I had a debit card but no credit cards at the time...or rather, most people didn't take credit in the dealer room then!)  And the moment I walked in a guy in a booth called me over and said, "I know what you're looking for!"  He pulled out a plastic bag and shoved these figures at me, as well as another bag with the mini-busts to the right.

Well, more accurately, only the Milly, Wolfwood, Meryl, a Knives, and transformed Vash, I'd later get the rest of the series through much searching.  At the time the sets cost me $40, and I willingly shelled out the money before I realized I would be stuck eating one meal a day the rest of the weekend.  Was it worth it?  Totally.  The guy who sold me those figures still runs the circuit and I see him at Ohayocon and even Tsubasacon (he's out of the Columbus area, Anime Palace if you've ever met Wade, you'll know who I'm talking about).  I'm still amazed to realize that there were some hardcore anime fans who really loved what they did and wanted to share what they knew with fans.  I was a fan of like three series at the time: Trigun, InuYasha and Chobits.  Only later did I start collecting more figures and getting into more series as it became easier to pick up at local stores like Best Buy.

Now, the little figures (gatchapon mostly) were fairly easy to come by at conventions.  However, if you wanted a more expensive one, well, you had to plan for it and it was still pretty hard to get them online because many of them would charge as much for shipping as the figurine themselves.  Or maybe you'd have a friend like mine who just happened to have a Vash figure that they didn't want anymore.

This beauty (although I think this particular one might be my husband's...we have a couple in the household now) was bent backwards, missing some parts, but oh gosh I wanted it so badly that I ended up getting ripped off by a couple of friends who wanted to unload it since they were strapped for cash.  I think I paid $60 for it (and for awhile you could find it for $30 until it became a bit more rare but still costs only around $40 on eBay).  It was one of those figures that I both loved, but also hated because I had mixed feelings on how I came to acquire it.

At the time the McFarlane figure was the only one available directly to the United States, and it would be a year or so before the other sets would be released, but the popularity of the other figures didn't last very long since only the busts covered the majority of characters in the series.  Quite a few were produced over the years and the older photo here doesn't have all of my figures, but since I didn't feel like pulling them all down and dusting them off, I thought I'd just put this up here to finish out talking about the first set of figures that I've collected over the years.

Originally most of my money went to buying figures strictly from Trigun.  Mostly Vash, but a few others as the years went on.  This collection is not by any means comprehensive.  I have friends who have quite a few more than this, but I enjoy the range it has as a set of figures.  Mostly because you have good guys and bad guys, anime and manga based, official paints as well as 'repaints' which were mostly Vash's special black and silver coloration.  Sometimes I wish they'd explained why Vash also came with a black coat in those early figures, even though it eventually came to fruition in the manga series years later, I've always wondered if Yasuhiro Nightow came up with the idea or whether it was in the mind of the figure creators.

In the next blog I plan to go to my next set of figures:  CLAMP

Fandoms: Obsession or Hobby?

I've been thinking about fandoms lately, and of course, being a person who has jumped through dozens of them over the years, I thought I'd talk about them today.  For someone who spends a lot of time keeping up with the more geeky fandoms throughout the years, I feel at least a bit comfortable talking on a surface level about just about anything.  Fandom (which, by the way, my spell checker does not like the word, and I keep getting squiggly red lines when I type) is a word that, at least to me, means something that a lot of people like and spend a lot of time thinking about and usually entails spending copious amounts of money on and takes up most of their lives.  This can range from a television show to a football team (*cough* OSU *cough), can be for a single actor, or for certain characters from movies.  It can be an anime or live action, it can be for a toy or a collection like baseball cards.  You name it, there's probably a fandom for it.  Food, furniture, plants, hobbies... well, the list could go on forever.

My own personal list has been fairly brief over the years, although when I get into something new, that old fandom is still back there in my mind, creeping up from time to time when I meet someone else who has the same obsession over the subject.  But I'll get to my opinion on whether these things are mere hobbies or obsessions a little later on, don't worry.

1.

The first memory I can remember about my own personal fandom starts with My Little Pony.  Flashback to 1985, and they'd just switched from "My Pretty Pony" to the first generation of My Little Pony and I had a very small collection of ponies.  (For the record I was more obsessed over animals than dolls, and threw away my very first Barbie after chewing off her hands when I was 5 or 6)  I continued to collect the little pastel ponies throughout my years until I turned a teen, and even during the short time period where the ponies weren't being released by Hasbro (and the period where they looked stupid) I still thought about the ponies and would 'save' them from flea markets and garage sales where I could.  I still have my entire collection of ponies until this day, they probably hit the 100 mark now.

What's interesting about my first fandom was that I wasn't a member of a fandom when I was growing up.  This was a hobby, a collection, an obsession over little plastic toys with brushable hair.  It was much later, only in the last four years or so that I suddenly became a member of a fandom.  The Brony community was created and suddenly here I am, a member of this group of pony-lovers.  It's the one fandom that I don't believe I'll ever outgrow, even when the cartoon ends again or they change to some other strange pony style down the road.  Would I call this more of a hobby or an obsession?  At this point in my life I think it's still more of a hobby since I don't go to Brony conventions or spend much time talking to other fans.

2.

My second longest fandom started in 1993 with the release of the Super Mario Brothers Movie.  Strangely enough, this was another fandom that just wasn't a fandom when I liked it at the beginning.  I knew only one other person who liked the movie and we obsessed over it for a year or two until my friend went onto other things and my obsession turned into more of a collection.  Much later, almost the 20th anniversary of the movie, and I discovered a community of like-minded individuals who had been even more obsessed about SMB then I had been and started up small conventions and showings, began comic books and helped bring about the release of the Blu-Ray of the movie.  I still love SMB:The Movie even though now it's also more of a collection that sits in my closet then something I go out and actively participate in.

3.

A very short fandom that I still feel appreciative of was Batman Returns.  I had a crush on Danny DeVito's Penguin.  I cried when he died in the movie and was carried out into the water by the penguins.  For six months or so I wondered what it would be like to have flipper hands and be the Penguin's daughter.  This was, of course, one of my stranger fandoms and again, another where I've never been a member of a group...although I'm sure there's others like me out there!

4.

Pokemon.  Do I need to say much about them?  My first Game Boy was a clear purple "color" which didn't have color of course.  My brother got both Red and Blue, I took Red, he got Blue and we both managed to get through the Elite Four.  We both gave up trying to get all the pokemon and cheated using a Game Genie (or was it a Shark in those days?) and filled my pokedex and got a blue mew for the heck of it.  Since then I've gotten just about every other pokemon game (minus a few over the years when friends had them) and also got into the card game for awhile.  I still collect the toys from time to time and just enjoy talking about pokemon.  I think this was my first "true" fandom as almost from the very start I knew other people who liked the games and we talked about them over the years.  Plus, I'm still a fan, although more on a fringe way I suppose as I haven't bought some of the reboots lately and have fallen out of things recently.

5.

Highlander: The Series.  Let's switch gears and think TV shows.  I had a stint with X-Files around 1997 or so where I got posters and journals and cards and my room was papered with magazine clippings that looked like I was a shut-in.  However, that was only because I couldn't afford much of the Highlander stuff that came out until after I graduated and was in college.  I was a huge fan of Adrian Paul and later Peter Wingfield.  This was one of my most expensive fandoms as I spent a ton of money on buying the VHS sets that came with a bunch of extra cool stuff.  I still use a bag that I got from that and have some jewelry items I bring out from time to time.  I see people wearing Highlander jackets on occasion out and about too, so I know that even though the fandom died back, it didn't die off completely.  In fact, there's been tons of references just lately to the Highlander series in various cartoons and TV shows (like Forever, for example).

Highlander was the first time I really obsessed over a show and all I talked about was the series.  I wanted to be an immortal.  I met people online who also wanted to be immortal.  I wrote fanfiction, I tried my hand drawing artwork (and failed miserably, but I knew friends who could draw excellently) and I made my first website about the series.  It grew for years into three websites, forums and eventually even a meet-up.  I met a bunch of people and hung out with friends from other states, chatted online with people from Europe and exchanged artwork and presents.

Unfortunately, this series upon it's end, basically meant the end of the fandom for me.  Mostly.  My friends and quibbled about real-life things since we really had nothing else in common besides the series, and when it was over and we'd talked it all out, that was it.  A few friends went into new fandoms (two of which went onto Russel Crowe, another onto Outlander years later), and eventually I just fell back on my pokemon fandom for awhile as I really couldn't keep up with them.  I didn't like Russel Crowe, I couldn't get obsessed over him, and I didn't want to.

6.

My pokemon fandom had a combination with my short stint as a gamer. I won't say that this fandom of tabletop and cardgames was actually a fandom for me.  It was more like a "I need to like these things to get a boyfriend" thought for a few years.  Unfortunately I went through nearly everyone in the gaming group I was in until I realized that just wasn't going to work and mistakes learned, I moved away from that fandom back to pokemon and it's grandmother Anime.

7.

Trigun.  Anime was always on the backburner for me from the time that Sailor Moon was released, Pokemon, and a few shows here and there until suddenly I was watching Adult Swim at night and there was Cowboy Bebop, Inu Yasha, YuYuHakusho and Trigun.

Vash the Stampede was a crush of mine for quite a few years from 2002-2006.  Heck, I think I obsessed over him a bit longer than that too, although in 2006 I met my future husband and that basically ended my obsession.  However, Trigun was something unique to me when it came to the fandom.  Trigun had a small fan base in the USA with the release of the anime.  There were a few people online who had created websites, they had created some translations and had a limited amount of information available on the web.  But, most of it had been abandoned.  It became a fandom that I pulled up out of the dirt, brushed off and started all over again.

I started up my own website and posted things every day.  I created my first blog of sorts with the daily updates.  I had some fun things to see, started writing some fanfiction, and met some others who liked the series too.  I answered questions about the show and started collecting the manga even though it only existed in Japanese at the time.  I met people who had available to them the brand new chapters as they came out in Japan.  I pulled translations from them, eventually helped start a translation group, and then watched it go it's own way.  At the peak of my website, there were hours where the bandwidth allotment was reached and people couldn't visit until the next hour.  I had people emailing me every day with questions and information.  I chatted with people on AIM for hours about the topic and I was the person you went to for information about the series.

I'm still proud of my Trigun fandom.  I pulled up and brought it back to life and kept it running for quite a few years.  The fandom itself is pretty small now, but I still have the number one site for information about the series (except of course the Trigun Wiki page, but what do you expect?)  And I still have Trigun posters and pictures on my wall that I look at on a regular basis.

But is it an obsession?  No.  Not any more.  I don't spend hours thinking about Vash or Wolfwood taking me on adventures and spending time being a gunfighter on the desert planet.  I don't draw Vash non-stop, nor do I write fanfiction on the subject.  I still watch the show from time to time, still look at the manga, and I can't convince myself to throw out the magazines I had when they were first released even though the books have all been released and the series is completely translated.  But it's a collection, a memory of the fandom, and I'll have the website for awhile yet, but even that will eventually fade away as well.

8.

The Future.

I don't have a fandom that I'm really a member of at the moment.  I don't like anything so much that I'll go out of my way to spend hours talking about it.  I don't go out and spend time with others who like a certain thing and I don't write fanfiction or draw or share photos of anything.  Well, I suppose you could say that I like cats a lot, but I think that's more of cat-scratch fever than an actual obsession.  (Look it up - the virus of cat-scratch fever can actually effect your brain.  I almost think that people who are immune to this are those who become dog people or no-pet people)

But does that mean I'll never find another fandom?  I'm not sure.  I still collect My Little Ponies and Pokemon, I still watch anime, so I suppose in the greater sense I'm an anime fan.  But am I obsessed?  No.  This is more of a hobby.


OBSESSION OR HOBBY?

And now I will finally get around to speaking on the topic of this blog.  Are Fandoms really obsessions or are they hobbies?

Actually, they're both.

A fandom normally starts out as a hobby.  Perhaps you've watched a couple shows.  Maybe you've found yourself looking up information about the topic on Wiki or IMDB.  Maybe you've added yourself to a fangroup on FB.  Perhaps you buy a few knickknacks or a T-shirt.  Most people actually treat a fandom as a hobby.  I'd say, at least typically it starts out that way, and it just depends on how much time you spend thinking about it.  An hour a day?  Hobby.  Twenty-four hours a day?  Obsession.

Until Highlander, most of my fandoms were hobbies.  With Highlander and Trigun I had an out-right Obsession brewing.  I spent all of my free time on the topic, talked about it and enjoyed every single minute.


OBSESSION FANDOMS:  GOOD OR BAD?

I'm sure this is a mixed debate for people when it comes to fandoms.  A sports fan might argue that a person who only plays video games all day is wasting their lives, but that same sports fan might have a house full of OSU memorabilia, spend all their time on fantasy football, and the rest of the time trying to avoid blue and gold at all costs.  Are they any less obsessed than the video game player?  Nope.  Is it bad?  Probably not.

Obsessions tend to happen to people who are single, and they usually happen between the ages of 13-25.  Mind you, I'm speaking of fandom obsessions, because obviously there are people obsessions that can happen whenever and that...well, I won't go into that.  Anyway, most of these people are looking for acceptance into a group.  Find something you like, find others who like the same things you like, and that equals acceptance and something to talk about and just really makes one fit in.

On the flip side, some obsessions can also lead to some people shutting themselves in, obsessing over something that they don't share with others, and can lead to some far worse things.  There always must be a certain buffer from allowing oneself to fall into that category.  There's usually far worse things involved in these situations, so I won't go into it more than this.

I think for those who are single, obsession fandoms are great.  They open up new friendships, new relationships, gives them a creative release, brings them into a group where they can feel loved or at the very least, accepted for who they are and what they like.  This goes from a group who enjoy a single character from a TV series, to people like the Bronies, who do a whole lot of good in their communities.

I think for adults, and especially for those with families... obsessive hobbies should be watched.  Why do I say this?  Well, over the years I've witnessed quite a few different obsessions lead to some problems in family life and home.  A family full of OSU nuts?  Okay.  One gal who LOVES an actor so much they're willing to go to New Zealand in order to stalk the guy... Not good.

A person with a family should always be obsessed with their family first.  Why?  Because, it's their family, and they need to look out for them.  If the the family are all fans of the same thing, or at least marginally, they create that unit of acceptance that the single fan creates with their fandom.  They create a circle of acceptance, equality, and understanding.  That's great.  But it's all about the family first and how everyone fits in.  My family is obsessed with anime and figures.  It's a fairly all-encompassing fandom, but one we share.

A person with a family who is not obsessed with their family first, most likely is not happy with their family.  They aren't happy where they are and it can cause trouble in that environment.  The first such person I saw in this situation was during the end of my Highlander days.  Both she and her husband enjoyed playing video games, watching Doctor Who and going golfing.  However, she was also completely obsessed with Highlander and loved Adrian Paul and Peter Wingfield.  But after the series ended and she began her obsession with Russel Crowe, she joined groups online and started making plans to meet him.  Now, he's a pretty big celebrity, so this was a pretty big thing.  At the end of our friendship (and I have no idea where she went next as I've never been able to find her on Facebook) she was getting her jaw worked on and getting a divorce.  She hadn't even slept in the same bed with her husband for years, so I think she'd already written off the marriage pretty early.

A more recent situation was were a friend of mine got into My Little Pony, called himself a Brony, and then started meeting other people and spending lots of time on the internet.  At first his wife joined him in the pony obsession.  (At least to an extent, as most Bronies are single until they find that special "Somepony")  But then he went off onto Adventure Time, and again, they both found interest in the cartoon series.  But then his hobby turned into an obsession with writing fanfiction and finding others to include in his inner circle.  This no longer included his wife, however, and even his long-time friends who tried to find interest in his fandom (my husband and I), found ourselves in this strange less than 6-month battle as fandom obsession turned war.


CONCLUSION

In conclusion... heh.  I spent far too much time writing essays in college to let them go.  Strangely enough my blogs still take essay form.  Forgive me!  You just learned something!  Intro, content, conclusion.

In conclusion, I believe that fandoms are better left hobbies, rather than letting them get into the obsession category.  However, I do believe there is good in allowing a fandom to take over your life, just so long as you don't forget those around you.  Make friends, use them to learn new things and expand your horizons.  Find others who share your obsession, but don't lock yourself away with it.  Share your stories and drawings, share your interests, ideas and thoughts, and don't feel ashamed of it.  Those who shun you for those activities are not people you want to hang out with!

Love your fandom and take good care of it.  Don't find yourself shunning others who want to be included, they are just trying to find a place in life too.  Don't keep your fandom from your family, maybe they'll want to get into what you like too.  Find things to surround you to keep you happy, but don't spend a fortune on dust-collectors (ahem, self!) and try not to go too over the top with your decor (ahem, OSU room people!)  Love what you like, share what you love, but also keep your eyes open to new things that could interest and create a new fandom for you.


MY FANDOM FUTURE

Where will my fandom go in the future?  I think it'll always be with anime and cartoons, childish things, yes perhaps. I'm already infected with liking cats, so...can't help much there I'm afraid (ahahaha!)  But will I ever get that series I'm totally obsessed with again?

Well...only time will tell really.  I kind of don't think so though.  Typically my fandoms, the ones where I really got into it so much that all of my time was spent thinking about them...those were when I was single.  I crushed over guys (whether human or animated) and I spent my time thinking about how much I wanted to be with them and for their lives to coincide with my own.  But I have a husband now.  I don't think about Hollywood movie starts or characters from TV shows with any romantic interest, nor do I want to.  I enjoy being a fan of anime WITH my husband.  I enjoy liking what he likes but I also have stuff that he does I don't care for and he doesn't care for some of my things.  I feel like if I were ever to be obsessed, truly obsessed as I had been in the past, it would take away from my home life, it would take away from those things that I hold dear to me, and I think it would take time away from them (my family) so why would I do that?  If I ever did get completely obsessed again...I think I would worry about myself as it would show signs of being unhappy, and I'm not unhappy.

But...then again, time will tell of course.  Maybe there is a way to be completely obsessed with something and also be happy with one's family.  Heck, I've seen plenty of OSU families, so it's got to be a thing!  Perhaps if we find something to be obsessed with together, that is where our future will lie.

I'll try to enjoy my fandoms - and I hope, dear reader, you will enjoy yours as well!

Year of the Ram

A new year has just begun, and even though we aren't quite in the Chinese new year when the Year of the Ram begins, I thought I'd make a blog celebrating this cultural zodiac. Mostly because I was born in the year of a Ram, oh so many years ago, and even though my husband treats it as his year as well, he was technically a Horse if you're dealing in the Chinese calendar as opposed to our Western calendar.  But, he seems to fit the Ram better, so I don't argue the technicalities.

I realized after my last post that I was being rather bleak, and perhaps I'll take that last post down as though even if it does represent my feelings at the time, I think it's rambling nature doesn't seem to hit a specific point.  Perhaps it's a good thing that I labeled it "randomness" because you really don't know what you are going to get when I put something under that label.

I'm hoping this year that things will be better than last year.  This isn't to say that 2014 was a bad year necessarily.  I had some good things happen in 2014.  Let's see, I got a raise in the summer after my review.  I went to Pittsburgh for the first time.  Somewhat started a new fandom of Hatsune Miku, although my My Little Pony fandom is still in effect.  My husband built me a brand new computer.  Almost finished the interior of our garage, but at least got most of it organized.  Had my 5 year anniversary.  Learned the word "oppai".  Haha haa.

Unfortunately, this year also hasn't been super fantastic either.  I didn't get to go on an "official" vacation anywhere, which made me rather sad, although my Mom enjoyed having me visit her this summer instead.  Our one couple we were friends with got a divorce, and even though it turned out to be the best thing that happened to the wife (in my opinion), it opened our eyes on the husband which made things awkward for my husband who was friends with him.  Then we got into a falling out with some friends through out convention in a similar circumstance which also turned into lots of awkwardness and as my husband's best friend stated, "emptied our emotional bank accounts," during September.  Two of my cats had to go in to get teeth pulled as they were starting to rot and fall out.  The spring came and the neighborhood boys started pelting our house with cement blocks - and then once Christmas break started, did it again, putting rather large holes into our siding now.  My district manager seems to have it out for my boss which in turns puts us all into a fowl mood.

And then throw into the equation the fact that I turned 35 and keep having problems with my body breaking down from sore knees when it gets cold, allergies, and other more disgusting intestinal tract problems I'm not going to go into.  Then there's my emotional balance that keeps getting thrown out of whack.  It feels as though either I'm over-emotional and I get really stressed out and feel like a mess, or I shut down my emotions completely and then I can't enjoy things like holidays and special events.  Maybe I have a touch of bipolar disorder, although I've never been diagnosed with it, and it doesn't go to extremes (as I've rarely ever go to extreme joy mode and never get to must kill myself mode either - thank God!) - it still feels like there's rarely times where I feel completely balanced with the two extremes.  A day like today, where I feel something of a clarity is about as close as I can get, and seeing as though today is the first day of the new year, I believe I should be feeling something about it being the new year, but I don't.  But I do feel somewhat content, so that's a plus.

So what do I hope for from 2015?  Well, I do hope that I can find some kind of balance.  Maybe find some kind of reason to continue on and maybe start setting some goals for myself.  I thought about perhaps really going after learning Japanese.  Thought about starting an exercise regime.  Maybe trying to write more.  Maybe I need to make some sort of other change with my life.  I'm just not sure.  My friend who got the divorce is pursuing a ton of goals that she had basically written off for herself when she got married (or her husband made her, I'm not even sure she's sure of that) and for that, I'm super proud of her.  I think, what are the goals that I had before I got married?  Maybe there are some that I've let slip to the side over these last 5 years or more that I've known my husband.  

I had hoped to become a writer.  Then I learned what that entails.  I thought about doing some artwork and then I realized that I don't have the ambition to follow through with it as I want.  Maybe my true goal for 2015 is to find a passion for something.  Maybe finding that passion will help me feel content.  The problem is, I'm a Jack of all trades but a master of none.  I find so many things that I enjoy doing but there isn't a single one that stands out and says, "Pick Me!"  Well, except perhaps writing.  But it's such a difficult career to get into.  First there has to be good writing.  Then there has to be someone to believe in your good writing.  That's where my career came to a stand still.  I write, but if I can't even get my own family or friends to read my writing, then why would complete strangers read it?  Perhaps I should make "How-to" manuals...would people read them then?  I do enjoy telling people what to do!  (ahahaha!)

So, that's where the problem lies.  I need to have someone believe in my writing so that I could get an agent that would sell me.  When I get someone who could sell me they could set up jobs for me to write and before long maybe I could actually make money doing it.  Of course there's always the route of self-publishing.  But then I'd be at step two again - find someone who wants to read what I have to say.  If I put $1,000 into publishing a book, I'd have to go and find someone to sell that book, someone who wants to read it, and someone who is excited to pay some money for reading about me.  I've met self-publishers before and I've met some who are so extremely outgoing that they have done a great job selling themselves.  Then I've met some who just fail and have a stack of books in their basement because they can't find anyone to buy it.

But again, maybe if I have the ambition...or rather, the passion to do something I really believe in, then I'll have the passion to sell myself as well.  It's hard though, as I've found out over the years, fans come and go, and unless I have a lot of them, when they go, it's like they've taken a piece out of me.  It feels like every time I've lost a reader that some part of my love of writing has disappeared with them.  They have taken the parts of my soul that I opened up to them and then threw them away and went onto bigger and better things.  Maybe that's why I still blog, I do it for myself and I rather think that I enjoy doing it, but no one's taken this part of my writing away from me.  My original stories and my fanfiction are almost all gone now that all of my fans are gone, and that part of me feels lonely and sad and unwilling to get to the place where I used to enjoy writing those fantasies.  Maybe someday I can do that for myself again, but it does seem rather a waste of time to write things that no one is going to read, at least, my older, more boring self believes that.

Oh well, my blog has become rather a downer again, now hasn't it?  So maybe I'll try to leave this at a brighter note.  It's supposedly the Year of the Ram, and thus should be a lucky year for me.  Things are looking up a bit at my job, or rather, they've settled down a bit and at least our inventory isn't around my anniversary again this year.  Things should be bigger and better at our convention this year and maybe I'll be more on top of things this year.  I plan to plant more prickly pine trees on the side of my house to try to keep neighbor boys out (I hope).  I'm going to try to focus on being more positive and find a focus.  Even if that focus is just cleaning up my computer area and my library.  Maybe find a new series to watch on TV.  Perhaps keep some plants alive through the winter.  Maybe finally get new hardwood flooring in my living room finally, and be able to redecorate to get a sense of 'this place is new' - at least, I hope all those things.

I hope you have a good new year.  Maybe yours will be better than 2014 too. 

The Holiday Problem

I'm not sure if it's depression or the simple fact that I work in retail, but I have noticed a distinct shift in how I feel about holidays.  I don't actually feel anything about holidays lately.  I can remember back on how I felt on holidays previously, but this year it's been distinctly not magical and not special and I felt rather numb throughout the entire holiday season.  Much like I was going through the motions.  Don't get me wrong, on Halloween, I did feel rather happy with all of the children coming up and loving the display we put together.  However, this year at Thanksgiving I felt rather empty since we didn't have family up but for my mom.  And then come Christmas I was excited to go to Michigan to see snow...no snow.  It didn't feel like the holiday at all.

In fact, as I was getting excited to give my mom a Chromebook so we could finally start conversing with her via email and chats... she put off opening presents until we had a half hour left to go to my Aunt's dinner and we had only about enough time to show her how to turn the thing on and play a game of solitaire before having to pack up everything to leave.

I only got presents for a handful of people and I thought maybe I'd feel happier by giving away those presents, but they didn't seem to enjoy them all that much.  Then I turn around and don't really care if I got anything myself.  It felt strange not to be excited about it.

The Christmas dinner was more about the routine then actually seeing people.  We ate our dinner, watched our cousins yell at their children for not eating food or running around or not being obedient while we were praying... then we ate and opened presents and the little ones whined and cried because they only got one gift each, but last year I was told not to get them anything so I didn't get them anything at all either.  

Then someone burned a plastic container on the stove and things just sort of degraded and I realized that I didn't feel at home there anymore.  I just felt sort of on the outside watching it all happen.  I didn't take photos and didn't really get involved in any of the conversations happening.  I just wanted to eat and leave.

Maybe working retail has made it hard for me to enjoy consumerism.  And no, I don't just believe that's what the holiday is about, but when we bow our heads to say a quick prayer over supper and the children fidget and giggle and their parents haven't taught them to respect it, and they cry over not getting presents - well, didn't that just turn the holiday over to little consumers?  

I think I would have had a better holiday had I stayed home with my cats and just enjoyed being in the comfort of my own company and I didn't need any presents or anything special to have enjoyed a good holiday.

It's hard to describe this to people, so I'm just basically throwing this out there as I want to still get excited about the new year.  I want to be able to celebrate the ball drop, so who knows?  I did enjoy seeing an old friend while I was up in Michigan that I hadn't seen in years.  It was nice to touch base with people again after so long.  Maybe seeing my friends at New Year's will make things nice too.

Well...I hope.  I don't want to be writing another bummed out blog again any time soon!

A Matter of Friendship: Don't Make Me Choose Sides

Over this past year I've had a lot of different situations come up to make me contemplate the meaning of friendship.  I've already posted on how to treat friends that you get, and how to keep them, how to respect them and what kinds of things that you should look into, or be aware of, as a friend.  And especially, don't make me choose sides.

Now I feel like I've had a few more experiences recently, to quote a friend, "That have tapped out my emotional bank account."

Now, just as any person could attest, I know I'm an emotional kind of person.  However, my husband has really mellowed me down over the years since he's the most easy-going guy I know.  He can suck out the anger and hatred and change it into comfort and peace.  Of course, two of my most favorite animated shows over the years have those as their overriding themes:  Trigun: "Love and Peace!" and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic "Love & Tolerate" (and friendship being magic of course that has honesty, loyalty, generosity... to name a few of course.

However, if someone continues to tap out this emotional bank account, you'll see a backlash of emotional overdraft fees, so to speak, that I come back with.  My mother used to get the brunt of this growing up, but so did many of my friends when I just couldn't take it any more.  If they would get angry with me, and not want to talk about it in a civilized manner, but rather either yell, throw things, stop talking to me altogether, or walk away, I don't take that lightly.  I want to work through things, and maybe when I was a teenager living at home, it doesn't work that way.  I work things out rationally through writing most of the time as I can put my thoughts down on paper without getting ran over by some emotional person.  If you make me do it in person I cuss, I yell, I get upset and slam doors... but leave me alone for some time and I'll come back down once I calm down.

I mentioned such a thing awhile back as a friend decided he was going to divorce his wife and immediately took to the task of making us hate said wife.  I liked her, my husband liked her, we said as much that we still wanted to be her friend.  We had noticed some strain in their relationship over the years, but as we've had over four months to mull this through, we realized much of that strain actually came from him.  But he makes it impossible to tell him that, and when there was a huge blow up a few weeks ago and he 'de-friended' us on Facebook...I refused to have him back.  It was too much.  I was tired of the emotional stress and tired of feeling like I'd have to constantly stick up for my friend against him.  When my husband talked to him again, he tried again to turn us against the (now) ex.


Friends don't ask friends to hate another person.  They should NEVER ask another friend to take their side.


It feels like I'm in Junior High all over again!

In Elementary school, you become friends with your classmates.  After all, most of your classmates stay that way throughout the first five or six years of your life.  Sure, some larger schools will rotate children, but for the most part you keep your friends, especially those who live in your neighborhood.  When I headed off to Junior High, suddenly there was a whole new group to make friends with, and since my best friend wasn't in the same grade as me, I had to make friends with someone.  I became "trash girl" during lunch time so I could stay friends with the girls I already knew, but after a semester of being laughed at and ignored, I decided to start eating my lunches on my own away from them.  I discovered a new friend who said she felt sorry for me, and as I was eager for friendship, I clung to her small group of friends and those friends stuck around through most of Junior High.

Unfortunately, the best friends I had in Elementary were upset with me for finding new friends.  I invited them all over for my birthday party when I was 13, but my 'best' friend got upset that I didn't ask her to spend the night with my 'new best friend' and thus for a summer I hardly heard from her.  I didn't want to hurt her feelings as she didn't know any of the others I had invited over since she was still a year behind us.  But... being forced to take sides, I did.

I do regret it, taking sides, although I talk to both of those friends from time to time online, none of us are really 'friends', but more 'acquaintances'.  Why?  Because the 'new best friend' I found had a hard time talking about anyone but herself.  She still does it, and though I've called her out on it and we stopped talking for awhile, eventually came back and started talking about herself again, and I realized that was how it was always going to be.  So if I wanted to hear her talk about herself, I'd talk to her, but I realized I could never expect her to want to know about ME.  The other friend, I realize later, was pretty much the same.  But I only really realized that later in College when people would actually ask me about how things were going and wanted to know about my life.  I suddenly knew what a real friend was like and it was a relief that I wouldn't have to deal with the stress of forcing myself to be heard.

But I've already gone into this subject before, speaking of true friendships being those that go both ways.  You have to respect those whom you wish to be your friends.  Listen - LISTEN - LISTEN DAMMIT!!!  and really hear them, don't just walk away because it's not something you want to hear.  If you walk away from me or change the subject in the middle of a conversation then what's the point of me continuing with you?  It's the same reason I don't like repeating myself, because obviously you weren't interested enough to listen to me, then why should I take the time to talk to you at all?


Sorry...again, it's a point that I've tried to drive home with people.  I'll tell you how it is.  Maybe I'll try to word it in such a way that won't get you mad, but I will tell you.  If you can't stand it, then maybe you shouldn't be my friend!  Certainly I have lost enough friendships over the years when I've said it straight.  I lost one friend after her deadbeat daughter saddled her with the grandson.  I told her that she should make her daughter go out and get a job, that maybe she should talk to her about not running around, to which the reply became, "You're not a grandmother so you don't understand."  I do understand that if you're constantly watching your grandson then your daughter darn well should be working to pay for housing and food for that child, not running around!

Anyway, this afternoon I realized that I'd had enough, and surprisingly "unfriending" someone on Facebook really does get attention.  It's weird because years ago that would not have happened.  When I was growing up, if you didn't like someone you just stopped talking to them.  Same thing here, if you walk away from a conversation I'm having with you on facebook then you'd best not want to talk to me ever again.  I'm not going to put up with the High School drama that I've been getting lately because I'm not in High School anymore!  I'm very nearly 20 years away from that and would NEVER want to go back, thankyouverymuch!

Perhaps if everyone is cordial and willing to listen to me, then I shall reconsider my decision.  Heaven knows I'm actually the forgiving type.  I really am.  I can really just forgive and forget - but I have to have someone ask for forgiveness first, and not in such a way as they say "well, I'm saying this but I don't really mean it."  That's B.S.  If you walked away, then it's your decision to walk, I wasn't the one walking.

Sort of like the lyrics in Train's new album "Bulletproof Picasso" - "The Bridge"

Were at the bridge together once more
We cross it over like we've done before
We could make a fire, go up in smoke
Jump into the water and do the backstroke
Were at the bridge, I love this view
But I don't know if I can cross again with you
We can start a fire, go up in smoke
Jump into the water and do the back stroke
Come on
What's it gonna be
Come on
What's it gonna be

I gotta feelin
You and I on the river
Burn it down to the ground
I need to know if you want me to jump or burn it to the ground
I gotta know now
Are you and I gonna go down
In flames or drown
I need to know if you want me to jump or burn it to the ground

This is what happens when you go to the bridge
You jump into the fire or you learn to swim
This is what happens when you go to the bridge
You jump into the fire or you learn to swim

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/train-lyrics-the-bridge-52x7x98#ixzz3G95unr5B
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community 


Guess I'll leave this here as it's really how I'm feeling right now.  It's well worth a listen as the song is really catchy.  I've been a huge fan of Train for a lot of years and it's one of my 'howling' bands, that and "Tonic".  I mean by 'howling' as I crank up the music and just belt it out until I feel better about myself again.

I'm sure everyone has their own opinions on friendships like this.  Perhaps being an introverted person it's easy to feel like you don't want to talk.  The truth is, even as an introvert, most want to feel important and being listened to, not having to listen themselves is sometimes really nice.  No one, not even the shyest introvert should have to spend every moment with friends listening.  It's not fair to me, it's not fair to my other introverted friends.  Extroverts do not have the excuse to walk all over us just because they are more willing to speak.  It has nothing to do with that.

There is a fine line to having a friendship.  You can choose the kinds you want and you should never have to decide between your friendships.  Just like you should never have to choose between a loved one and a friend.  True love will never ask you that.  Heck, even from a business perspective (which is what I've been dealing with lately), making me decide who's side to be on isn't an option either.  If both sides contribute positively to an ends, then I shouldn't have to fire anyone.  I should be able to find a balance.  You don't want to talk to this person anymore?  Let me find a solution.  Don't just put your foot down and say, "It's them or me."

Because, you know what?  Maybe it WILL be THEM, and not you.  Consider that first!

Conventions: Where are they going?

I wrote a blog a few months ago about the death of anime conventions.  I had a few people argue that they didn't see conventions dying, but another blogger recently posted about how as an artist, she is seeing the death, or rather, the overshadowing, of cosplay over guests and artists.

Oh, I'm going to say right now that if you think that all cosplayers and convention attendees are blameless, then please don't read any more.  However, if you want my honest opinion on this subject as someone who's worked behind the scenes at conventions for nearly 10 years now, please, read on.

First off, it was pointed out that at many large conventions, artists, guests and other industry people are being largely ignored by attendees.  They will gather around a cosplayer, taking pictures for hours, but completely ignore the artist who's spent 20 years drawing comic books or sci-fi book covers.  They line up to get autographs for voice actors, but won't sit for an hour in a panel to listen to how that voice actor got to where he/she did.  They'd much rather spend $100 on a cosplay than that same $100 at a vendor room.

Many artists have to pay for their hotel room, travel, food, entry badge and table to sell their wares.  Once in awhile one gets lucky enough to get guest status so that they have a badge paid, maybe a hotel room, but most likely it's just a free table and badge for entry.  At large conventions, the hotel fee, travel and food expenses can range in the thousands for a weekend.  Perhaps they are able to drive and can bring all of their wares with them at relatively little cost, but if they come from across the U.S.A., then they might have to pay for airplane fare and also luggage fees for whatever art or books they bring with them.  That said, even if an artist doesn't have to spend a whole lot for the convention they are at, fees for printing books or prints or making items is pretty expensive.  Many artists have to save up in advance and then hope they'll get enough money back from what they are selling, little lone all of the convention costs.

So, if they're an artist, losing money, why bother to go to a convention?  Exposure.  Marketing.  Getting out there and hoping to collect a few new fans along the way.  However, they could do this on a much smaller scale simply by going to local stores and publishing online.  Why don't they?  Well, they have fans out there that they hope to be able to meet, they have new fans they hope they can win over, and they're out there putting all of that money at risk to sell a few books during a three-day weekend.

Then along come the 'new breed of attendees'.  Now, some of them will go to a convention to meet up with these people.  After all, so-and-so just came from L.A., all the way across the country and this will be their only time to meet them.  But there are a whole lot of other people who don't have any idea who this artist is, and they don't care either.  They've attended a convention in order to visit with their friends, see a few cosplayers and maybe cosplay themselves in order to catch the eye of someone.

That's not to say there aren't plenty of conventions out there that do a smack-up job of keeping artists and vendors and even voice actors happy.  Smaller conventions, for example, tend to have a good variety of artists so that they don't compete, vendors are the same, and typically guests don't have to compete for autograph dollars.  However, larger conventions, even with 22,000 or larger attendee numbers, they have to make money to hold the convention again next year, pay the hundreds of staffers and fill booths.  Suddenly vendors are competing with 20 others who are selling the same things and artists really have to put out a lot of effort to draw attention to themselves.

But while they're putting all this effort into drawing attention - new attendees aren't looking to buy stuff.  This 'breed' of attendee ages typically 16-25, and they spend money on cosplaying, or they have to travel a ways in order to attend just this one convention all year.  Why do they go to the convention?  To see, and be seen.  To hang out with friends.  To spend time with others who like what they like.

This is not the attendees conventions used to have 10 years ago.  Those were the days of giving credit cards to teenagers, signing them up in colleges and starting all of that debt that's crippled today's con goers.  These teens now days know how to save their money and they know how to shop around.  What is more fulfilling to this "Instant" generation?  Is it buying something that will grow dust on a shelf?  Or is it the memory of having dozens of people flock to them to take their picture?

Back in 2002 during my very first convention, I still remember the people who came up to me to take my picture.  I remember how special it felt to have all of these people want to hug me or say, "Hey!  I know you!" and call out my character's name.  It's special.  It's this sense of belonging, that someone knows who you are - even if they don't know you exactly, but they know what you like and they like what you like.  Suddenly you have friends and attention, and it's pretty cool because everyone wants to feel like they're famous, even if it's just for a weekend.

So again, I ask, would most attendees rather spend $100 on a cosplay or $100 on merchandise from a convention?  I think this newer generation is going to say, cosplay.  Because when the convention is over, most likely they're not going to think about all of those artists, not going to think about those items they didn't buy...and if they do think about them, it's there online somewhere.  They've probably bought it already or will when they get home if it's something they really want.


But of course, there has to be a solution to this problem, right?

Probably.  Mostly likely it means that the ever-growing convention will eventually start to plateau or eventually grow smaller.  Eventually artists just won't want to bother with the exposure and they'll turn to the internet.  Fewer artists interested in losing money and conventions will start to scale back.  Things that were popular at conventions 10 years ago will take a backseat to those things that are popular now.  Perhaps conventions will focus more on cosplay, more panels and guests that contribute to that.  Perhaps artists/crafters and vendors will focus on cosplay items - I've seen that switch already in numerous conventions.  Suddenly it goes from figures, wallscrolls, DVDs, etc, to cosplay wigs, contacts and costumes.  Is that good?  Probably, it's keeping the conventions alive and keeping vendors paid, but what about those artists?  Perhaps conventions will have to lower costs to pull them back in again, or maybe there's some other answer out on the horizon.  Maybe conventions FOR artists.  There are plenty of arts and crafts fairs out there.  Why not hold a convention where people go to just buy stuff from artists?

It's something to think about, as maybe eventually there will have to be a split for cosplay to either have conventions of their own, with inexpensive venues for artists and vendors, just to fill space.  And then perhaps comic and anime conventions can kind of take back their conventions.  Maybe lessen cosplay's role in their convention, get rid of the cosplay items in the dealer rooms and get rid of the conventions.  No one knows for sure where the future of conventions are heading, but we'll head there nonetheless.

Let me know what you think in the comments below - but be forewarned - don't be mean!

The Storm That's Not Yet

Being someone who really enjoys the outside for relaxation, it's easy to wake up in the morning and see the overcast sky as being a bit depressing.  Especially if that overcast sky looks like it could rain at any moment.  But it's worse when you know that it's not yet, but sometime this evening that it's going to rain, and yet, there isn't any sun, it's overly windy, and the pressure outside is acting all crazy.

The photo to the right, was not one of those days, rather, we'd had a pretty nice buildup of storm clouds, then it basically blew over with only a little bit of rain, leaving this beautiful glimpse of the sun in the West and a very faint rainbow to the East.  I like days like that, because you know what's coming, and after the storm buildup, this exciting moment of 'yes, it's going to happen!'  It finally does and you're happy it did.

Today...it's not so much there.  When the weather report this morning talked about the storm and I watched the radar, it was quite obvious that the northern part of the state was going to get hit, and quite badly, but this middle part of the state was just going to get a lot of wind for hours, lots of blah clouds, and then maybe if we were lucky, get some lovely storms, once it got dark again.

Okay, so I'm kind of a weather junkie.  I'm not ashamed of liking weather.  In fact, I was quite the nerd in school and when I had the opportunity for a meteorological section in a science class I took, I was pretty excited.  Unfortunately, it was the last unit I got to take at the end of the year and my partner fooled around the entire time so I've basically had to learn things on my own. I learn all sorts of earthy stuff though, like names of trees, birds, plants and animals, so it's kind of in my nature to like this kind of thing.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I got really excited upon meeting my first weather person from the news when I was working at the mall in Michigan so long ago, Norma Hall.  And then just last week I got to meet another weather person, Marshall McPeek.  It's pretty nifty to me to meet people who actually studied the weather.  In fact, growing up I went to school and later college with someone who was studying the weather, but I never did find out what happened to him after we graduated.  I always teased him to say he'd make a great newscaster, but I think he was always more interested in strictly the science of it.

And as for me, the weather junkie, I have a coworker who always expects me to make weather announcements at work.  I wasn't even aware that I was doing it, except that I suppose from time to time I announce, "oh the storm will just blow over," or "It'll stop raining in a minute."  Or something like that, "it'll get colder tonight, so you might want your jacket."  Okay, so I like the weather, is that so wrong?  It typically produces some pretty awesome things.

Just for my own reference, I decided to dig up a unique photo I took back in 2011 in the summer after we bought our house.  I'd planted this little pine tree and it made a really good contrast with the rainbow and all of the green and the sunset hitting just right... I loved this photo and yet didn't get all that much interest in it when I posted it online.

So, for myself, when I see a rainbow in the same direction over my little tree, I go out and take another picture.  I had to pull back quite a bit to take the photo however, as the pine tree is now about three-four times as tall as it was in the first photo!  I knew that pine trees grow quickly, but it was mighty small when I originally planted it.  Now it distinctly has two tops for some reason (although you can kind of see that when it was a younger tree) and almost looks like there are two trees there.

Just as a mention of how lighting can effect photos - the earlier photo was actually taken with a little Canon Powershot as opposed to my fancy Canon SL1, which I used for the second photo.  They're both clear, both taken of the exact same subject matter, but the lighting was different and thus had a completely different effect.

And now I await for the storm that not yet....

Disappointing Art Day

Here she is, six hours of work and as I was finishing it all up, getting ready to put final details to play, I realized that her right leg was too small.  In the original sketch you could tell that the left sock was pulling down and thus showed more leg.  However, the right leg just isn't correctly proportional and by the time I noticed it, I'd spent hours on drawing, inking and coloring and had been fairly certain that it looked right.

Lately, artwork like this has set me back quite a bit.  I realize that without much more practice, I'll never be much better than this, and with work and life in general, I just don't take the time out like I'd like to.  I wanted to do this for me.  I wanted to prove to myself that I was still a decent artist and I could pull something off if I needed to in a pinch.  What I've now realized is that I'm out of practice and sadly depressed about it.

I keep trying to find that younger me who drew things and found that she liked those things.  It doesn't matter if I look back on those drawings and see the flaws now.  When I originally drew this picture or that, I liked them, and I still look at them fondly.  Now, when I put pencil to paper I just see flaw after flaw, and no matter how long I spend trying to fix those problems, I can't get them right.  I realized today that I needed a model to do this drawing, so I had a figure that I based it on in order to get the positioning right.  For the most part, she has a good shape, the arms don't look too bad, the shoulders and angle are pretty tidy.

The problem is, what I wanted to use this drawing for, is for a program cover, but I can't.  Now when I've had better artists doing the covers over the years that are so much better than me.  How can I say, "let's go back to my artwork." ?  I can't.  I hasn't improved.  It isn't better or at least of equal quality of those others, so how can I use it?

And when I tried showing it to other people, I got no response.  Just as I expect not to get a response out of this post either seeing as though only a handful of people will ever see it.  But that's okay, because I had to put it somewhere, all of those hours of work I put into it, it would be a shame never to see the light of day.  But then again, quite a few of my drawings lately have ended up like this.  Maybe she'll be a tiny button where the knee won't even show.  Oh well.

A Matter of Friendship: BUILD A BETTER RELATIONSHIP - DON'T BURN THE BRIDGE

INTRO

I've been doing a lot of thinking about friendship lately.  My husband and I have very few friends, most of them are long distance, or just acquaintances at work, talking on Facebook and in passing.  I have one fairly close friend online whom I can tell anything to, and before my brother was put in prison, I had him too, but now we're just pen pals.  I have a few people I chat with online or a few that I'll see for dinner on occasion, but most of them are long distance and we only see them once a year.  There was a couple, however, that we'd hang out with about once a week and it was only when he wanted a divorce, that we started wondering about how fragile our friendships are.

It's a rare thing, no matter what people on television show, to have couples hanging out and enjoying each other's company.  It's rarer still that each of the four like each other and can hang out on a one-on-one basis, but for awhile, that's what we had and it was quite nice.  It wasn't like that at first, in fact, I would get so overwhelmed by them (mostly because of my introverted nature) that I had to limit our visits to once a month.  But, as we built up relationships and had common interests, things became better.

Unfortunately, the friendships that we had created were just as fragile as many of those that I've developed at work seeing as though at work, for example, I can't really be friends with those that are under me.  It would create complications, and I understand that, so I keep my distance and we have conversations at work and even though I have a few people at work whom I'd love to create better friendships, I also realize that I can't play favorites and unless we eventually get different jobs, the friendships will have to remain as they are.

It's a shame really, because I don't have anyone for the most part I can just call up and say, "hey, let's go out for coffee" or "let's meet for lunch", because most of them have the strange schedules I do, or they work 9-5 and because I work most weekends and a whole lot of mornings I can't hang out in the evening either.  I'm okay with it, but the person I really feel for is my husband because he's lost a friend in this couple now that they're splitting up.


RASH DECISIONS LEAD TO BROKEN FRIENDSHIPS

Having had time to look back on Husband's (as I'll call my husband's friend this for his privacy) friendships, I feel rather sad for him.  He's burning all of the friendship bridges that he has built over the last 20 years.  My own husband has known him since around college and they were fairly decent friends.  The first moment that I met him he was single, rushed in like a storm, threw himself into the middle of everything.  He was fun-loving and excited and he let Mike stay with him while he was in town and they hung out and did things together.  Then Husband got married in something of a whirlwind and things were going pretty good.  His wife loved him and they made a home together and got a cat.  They were exclusive of one another.  We'd hear how much she didn't like her family and how much he didn't like his, they didn't like their jobs, but eventually they got better ones and the conversations turned from really hateful to pretty lighthearted and we started to get asked to go out to dinner together and to movies.  We went out shopping and hung out places together and it felt like they were in a good place so it was nice to be able to get to know them better.  She started thinking about getting a house and settling down and they started saving up.  I started inviting them to concerts and it was the first time I'd ask my husband to ask THEM to come over rather than them asking us.

I'm not entirely sure when things started to go wrong.  Maybe they had always been wrong.  When Husband would come over he would talk a lot about himself but we didn't mind, all three of us were introverts so we let him lead the conversations.  We'd go where he wanted to go, and we started to feel a bit more at ease around him so we'd start suggesting places and he'd go along with them.  But, thinking back on it, I don't really remember him asking us about our day, only telling us about his.

There are two types of people as I've realized, those that talk and those that listen.  The good friends, the best friends, are those that learn (and you HAVE to learn it, this is not a natural skill) to do both.  I realize that most of my friends growing up were really the same way, they talked, I listened (being introverted) and maybe, just maybe, I'd get to share my side of things if I forced it into the conversation, but very rarely did anyone ask me.  My mother, even though she's introverted, has to remember to ask me about my day because there are some conversations where she talks and I rarely say a word because she never stops to listen to me.  It's a work in progress with even her in her 60's.  And I think I'm a lot more aware of it now that I've had arguments with friends over the years about this because I just stopped talking to them all together because I was exhausted from the listening and trying to force my way in.

After I met my first friend who actively listened and talked, it was a like a breath of fresh air.  I actually enjoyed talking to her.  I'm still friends with her today and she was my Matron of Honor (you know who you are!).  She showed me what it was like to have friends who really considered ME her friend and not just me considering HER a friend.


DON'T BE AN ATTENTION VAMPIRE

After this revelation, I burnt a lot of bridges myself because it's very tiring to have friends like these.  They get everything out of the friendship and use you up.  And unfortunately for Husband, he did it to his wife too.  I wish I could sit him down and talk to him about what he was doing.  He met his wife when she was going through a bad time with her mother and she wanted out.  I think because she wasn't a big fan of her own family and she didn't have too many friends, he got all of her attention.  That's what he wanted, lots of attention, and when he'd jump into a group situation he'd put himself in the middle of that attention too.  So he fed off of it, and that's okay, but you can't expect everyone to WANT to give you all of their attention all the time.  We just can't do it.  There has to be give and take otherwise we all just get tired and worn out.

Husband became, to put it bluntly, an attention Vampire.

That's okay when everyone is willing to give it to him.  But then his wife had a death in her family and she turned to helping them out and wanting attention of her own.  She took time to mourn and spent time with her mother and helping with things.  She stepped back from cleaning the house and keeping everything up until Husband grew resentful.  Suddenly the vampire wasn't getting fed anymore.  He turned to the internet where he'd met some people he could feed off and they, stupidly, started feeding him whatever he wanted.  You can't feed the vampire, it only makes him stronger, you know?  But younger people don't realize this most of the time until they start feeling tapped out and become resentful themselves.

I think things were in a state of flux even before this point, but it came to a head and Husband started burning bridges because his friends weren't feeding him anymore.  They started to have lives of their own and couldn't take time to listen and not get anything in return.  We were nice about it and let him get it out of his system once every week or two, but even my own husband started to retreat when he'd come over as I think he was feeling sucked dry by this constant attention need of Husband.  I feel rather sad about that because my own husband is the best man in the world.  He's loving and caring.  He's kind and even after things came out that the couple's divorce was imminent, he was willing to spend time with Husband and was evening willing to help him move.  He didn't offer, but he was willing had he been asked as he had in the past.

But by that time, it was too late.  Husband had written him off because we weren't on his side.  How could we be on his side when he wasn't willing to work things out with his wife?  Even if it had nothing to do with the people he had met online, feeding the attention vampire - it did have everything to do with the fact that he didn't try to change to help his wife in her time of need.  He went through the motions with her and got angry when she didn't want to do things when she was mourning her family member.  He got irritated that she wanted to do other things than give all of her attention to him.  She had other commitments and since they weren't him and he wasn't willing to work it out, then he started getting resentful and hateful.

I feel very sorry for him.  At least, up until the point where he started spreading lies and expanding truths to give reason to his feelings.  I know what he was feeling was real.  Yes, he really did feel like he was being emotionally abused by his wife and his friends.  But the abuse came in a form of absence of feeding the attention vampire.  He felt empty because he wasn't getting the attention that he needed.  What he didn't realize, was by cutting off ties with these people, he was cutting off his attention even more.  He started resenting them rather than approaching them to build a better relationship.


BUILD A BETTER RELATIONSHIP - DON'T BURN THE BRIDGE

My advice to Husband would be this:  don't resent the relationships you have, but build upon them.  If you feel like you aren't getting anything from a relationship then maybe there's something lacking on your end.  Don't say "Oh, well, I do all the calling so they obviously don't like me if they don't call."  Think about what you say during those conversations.  Do you call only because you WANT something?  YOU want to hang out, YOU want to talk about your problems, YOU want to tell them about something in your life.  Okay, there's plenty of room for that, but have you ever stopped to ask them how his/her day was and actually listen?

When they do call you to tell you something, do you ever let them tell you about their event and not turn it around about something YOU wanted to talk about?

If your wife is mourning, have you asked her what she needed?  Did she need space?  Did she need help around the house?  Did she need help to deal with her family?

When you speak about your problems and someone comes up with an anecdote about their lives, have you ever commented on it or did you consider it an interruption and go on with your story?  Have you ever just put a pin in your story to let them speak and then go back without feeling jaded?

When things don't go your way, do you just get angry, or have you considered talking it out?  This isn't "giving in" this is "growing wiser."


GIVE YOUR FRIENDS A CHANCE TO BE THERE FOR YOU

Tell your friends you're having trouble but don't steam roller them.  Don't TELL them to be on your side, ASK them to be on your side.  But tell your side first and don't embellish.  Ask them what you should do and LISTEN to their response.  Often times they have good advice.  Think that you feel it's unfair that they don't spend enough time with you?  Ask them to set up a meeting spot on a regular basis.  Then you can unload everything at once.  Don't require them to drop everything at a moment's notice.

The best friendships are those where your friends WANT to contact you to hang out.  They don't feel like you've been sucked dry, but instead you have a free flow of awesome conversation and enjoyed each other.  This happens with friendships or one-on-one relationships with loved ones.  They want to feel happier just because they've been with you.  They'll invite YOU places, and ask you to do things with them.

Before the end, I actually started seeking out this couple's company.  I liked hanging out with them and talking about things.  Sure, Husband still never asked me about his day, but I spent time with his wife because she was starting to feel more sure about herself and her own relationship with us.  We were starting to share things and become friends even as Husband started thinking that he was losing a friendship that was fragile.  And instead of allowing us to be there for him, he pushed us away because we 'weren't on his side.'

Don't create "SIDES".  No one is going to want to be on your side if they're forced to.  We will choose to and be happier for it if you tell us you need us and are thankful.


BE THANKFUL TO YOUR FRIENDS

The last bit I wish to talk about is something I learned from my dearest friend.  It's to be thankful.  It's to thank your friends and not be resentful of anything they do that's not to your standards.  They don't have to be your friend.  Many of my friends could cut off ties with me simply by de-friending on FaceBook, they could simply stop writing me emails.  But they don't.  They don't have to call and we don't have to hang out, but we're still friends and we still talk.  And I'm grateful they listen to my problems and want to be a part of my life.  Even when I'm grouchy or I'm being selfish, they'll call me out on it.  If I learn from that, then I become a better friend which makes me thankful that they helped me grow.

Remember:  No one HAS to be your friend.  They CHOOSE to be.  Never make them regret the decision.


WRAP UP

I wish things could change after this point, and I'm sorry that I didn't learn to be a better friend myself all of these years because I know there are a lot of friendships I miss.  There are so many bridges that I burned I'll never get back because of things that I said or did.  But I've learned and if I'd just been told the problems, then maybe I could have fixed myself too.  Unfortunately, we have to all be patient with each other, grow with each other, thank each other, and respect each other.  In a world of "ME ME ME" it's hard, but I think it's possible.

And who knows, maybe someday Husband will return to being friends with my husband, because he's a sweet man who is very forgiving.  Or maybe he'll move on and we'll never see him again.  But I feel for them because it's a rare thing to have friends and worse when the friendships end as suddenly as this one did.

Baby Bunny Video

So many baby bunnies!

http://youtu.be/FM9SY5i_Noc


Now that it's been over a week since I posted this baby bunny video on YouTube, the babies are no longer little tiny "fit in the palm of your hand" size, rather they're about the size of softballs or very large grapefruits. I've only had the chance to see one of them again romping around on our patio, but Mom stops by to eat the clover in our yard at least once a day still.  I hope the babies are doing good after this, as my husband and I were a bit worried that they might run out into the road and get hit, or get killed by the numerous dogs residing in the neighborhood.

I've always had this battle with rabbits since the moment we moved into the house.  I guess I shouldn't have been overly worried because for the most part I have more trouble with bugs eating my flowers than rabbits!  However, the winter we moved into our house I found little 'presents' of pellets all over the yard for weeks and figured we must have a heard of rabbits that lived in our yard.  Usually this meant chasing a couple of the precocious things from our flower and veggie gardens.

The bunnies get just SO comfortable in our yard I'll oftentimes see them lying out there like this!  Or they'll be grooming or just munching along at the clover to their heart's content.

Luckily, they do tend to leave our garden alone provided we don't plant small leafy greans and stick to tomatoes, pumpkins, and other vine plants (assuming those don't taste very yummy!)

It was sheer luck that I caught the video that I did as I had been chasing the mom bunny away from my garden over and over until realizing there was a reason she kept going over there, and that was to nurse her seven kits.  I had just enough time to race inside to grab the camera and race out again in hopes that I'd catch them on video as they left the lilac bush they were hiding under.

Hopefully I'll get some more photos up soon of the bunny antics in my yard.

Business Ideas that Are Causing Damage to Businesses

I'm going to take us on a strange topic today that is completely different than all of my blogs to date.  As I spend time working as a retail manager, I find that there are a lot of business practices that aren't really helping businesses at all.  I'm not here to talk about my business or the things that they do, because I would be out of a job that I need.  What I'm here to talk about today are the business ideas that keep cropping up around the United States that need to go away.  Many of these businesses are trying to fill a need.  What they're doing instead are creating havoc and theft.  Let me take a step back and give a few examples of what kinds of businesses I'm referring to, as they are causing far more theft and crime than they probably ever meant.

• The first of these businesses I want to talk about are scrap yards.  I am sure everyone has seen these huge plots of land filled with various scrap metals and cars.  These yards have been around for ages and really haven't caused all that much trouble in the past.  Most of the time scrappers simply go around picking up cars, appliances and other scrap pieces of metal from the curb of a household that doesn't want it anymore, and they take it to sell at these scrap yards.  Most of the time they'd get a hundred dollars for the amount in a pick-up truck or some other amount depending on what kinds of metals that they have brought in.  This worked pretty good because home owners who couldn't afford to pay to have their oversize garbage taken away found it gone the next morning.  I get rid of lots of things that I know I can't sell but someone else can use and I can't afford to drive it somewhere to donate it.

• The second business is very similar to the scrap yards, as it deals with selling electronics or gold or some other items for cash.  Mind you, pawn shops have been around for a long time.  You take in small items, and they give you a bit of cash for it, and you can either leave it behind forever or come back to get it when you have the money to pay the loan back.  Simple enough.  But now there are places that buy more specific things like gold, electronics, phones, etc.  These places will usually recycle the items much like at a scrap yard and your items are gone forever.

• The third business has to do with gift cards.  In the past gift certificates were non-transferable pieces of paper that one could buy from a business if they didn't know what to get someone from that store.  The person could bring it in and use it as cash to buy something they actually wanted.  Certificates changed to gift cards when the technology for card swiping machines were included in nearly every store as the credit card companies expanded.  Around the 1990s everyone could get credit cards and so businesses started selling gift cards, cash cards, phone cards, you name it.  But what if someone bought you a card for a business you didn't like?  Suddenly there were websites popping up to exchange the cards.  Then, more recently, there are kiosks that could exchange cards for cash.  The company would take a small profit for the card, but you got money instead of a card you couldn't use.  More recently, CoinStar is starting to exchange these cards as well, making it less of a local program to a wide-spread problem.  (I say problem as you'll soon find out).

All of these companies and businesses fill a need in our consumerist driven society.  How to get rid of something you don't need to get something you do need - money.  That's all fine and dandy.  I, like everyone else, needs money to get by.  These ideas on paper probably look really good and for many people, they use these businesses rarely and use them honestly.

However, there's a catch.  What if these offerings are not used honestly?  What if people start selling other's items to get money for themselves?

Sure, you see pawnshops in every lower class area, every 'ghetto' area, everywhere that people start finding they're just scratching by.  I won't even talk about loans and check advance places or gambling places because they all have their own problems and you'll see them everywhere as well.  Most of the time these places move into a bad neighborhood, but as things change they get forced out by a changing economy and eventually the run down neighborhood gets a face lift and the pawn shop moves away.

But what if the area doesn't make a comeback?  What if things make a turn for the worse when something like the Great Recession of 2008 happens?  There's a huge bankruptcy crises, mortgages collapse because banks let people over-borrow, they go into dept because of credit cards, and large businesses that never had trouble staying afloat are suddenly buried.

Suddenly homeowners are forced to leave their homes in foreclosure.  The honest ones will leave their houses quickly but fairly intact.  The others, instead of being able to crawl out of the debt by moving on, take every scratch of appliance, every wire, everything that isn't nailed down (and even some that are) and run to the nearest scrap yard to sell it.  That doesn't get them out of debt, it merely helps them survive.  They run out of things to sell and so they start taking things to sell.  They steal from friends and family, they steal from empty houses on the street and take pool pumps and air conditioning units.  They take copper wires and clear out entire homes of everything that could bring them a bit of spare change.  Suddenly these people allow themselves to do corrupt things in order to just get by.

I digress... the reason for this blog is to point out that these ideas that should be helping honest people are merely helping thieves.  Thieves will steal purses and backpacks to steal phones and laptops.  They don't use these items because they need them, they steal them to sell.  They break into cars and into homes to steal and pawn TVs and computer equipment.  The police can't track them down or won't unless the items are worth just so much, and if they find out the owner has insurance, then they won't bother at all.  The items will just get replaced.  That, in turn, makes the insurance fees go up and it causes those people who were stealing to go around without insurance because they can't afford it any more.

Gift card kiosks are the worst of these businesses in the last few years.  It's stores that get hurt because they're trying to be nice to the honest people.  Here's how it works:  Thief knows that store will take back merchandise without a receipt and give them a gift card in return.  So they go in and steal stuff.  Maybe they'll have a crew that steals and a crew that 'returns' the items.  The person who 'returns' these items takes the gift card they get and takes it to the kiosk.  They get free money.  It might be $20, but for some of these people it's enough to buy a meal and some drugs.  Most of them are usually out for the drugs since food stamps pay for the food.  So the stores are out the money, but if they refuse to do the return, they're out the items.  If they take back the stolen items, the store shows an extra in their stock and when they have inventory they'll come up short which takes a hit on their theft shrinkage.  That means they'll get hit twice, first with the theft of money, and then with the supposed theft of items in inventory.

But thieves don't stop there.  Eventually the thieves realize that the store isn't cooperating and if they find out that it's too easy to steal things, they'll go to great lengths to get tons of things out the front door.  I've seen huge boxes and carts full of things leaving the door.  I don't work in a retail establishment that sells food or items of great value, nothing that these people would need to live.  So what are they doing with these items?  Pawning most likely, some of it.  Flea markets maybe.  Selling it to other businesses that buy items for money, I'm sure.  Whatever big score they can get to buy them a bag of drugs or some money to feed their kids.

And what is stopping these thieves?  These businesses say they track these people.  They say they only let people get just so much money a day...  But how do they stop them if they use fake IDs?  Many of these people have drivers licences as well as just IDs... And I'm not sure why the government is allowing this, but I won't get into that.  What I'm saying, however, is that there's nothing stopping these people from getting multiple "IDs" with various addresses and they can get around all of the rules in place to stop them from fraud.


What I hope though, is that these businesses would take a much better look at how people are going to use their product.  Will this cell phone sell-back service cause theft from honest people?  How can this business be abused?  If every business would take a step back before promoting their product and ask, "can this go wrong?"  I think perhaps that thieves would have to think twice in order to make a profit.  Businesses are losing money because they aren't planning ahead.  Sure, if everyone was honest, putting that gift card kiosk in the store would be great.  You would make a profit and customers could have the convenience of buying a card for a gift.  However, what about those people buying gift cards with stolen credit cards?

How about we all just start looking at the world with a bit more suspicion.  I like to be optimistic when the economy is starting to bounce back after our recession, but there are too many out there who have gotten used to this dishonest system.  They take advantage because the system has taken advantage of them.  Maybe someday these people will all get jobs and be productive members of the society again, perhaps the government will give them a reason to, but more likely these people will keep doing what they are doing, teach their kids to do the same, and if we don't stop them from doing these things, it will continue to get worse and worse.

So, I plead with new business owners and these people who are thinking about starting up the 'next great thing' - ask yourself, "How can this be abused?"  Don't put it into practice if only a few honest people will actually be able to take advantage of this and a few hundred thieves are using it daily.  Take a good hard look at what protections you have in place.  Then, not only will your business thrive because thieves aren't taking advantage of you, but the honest person will also trust you to know that you're taking care of them too.

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EDIT ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:  It was brought to my attention that of course not all homeowners forced to allow their homes go into foreclosure are thieves and vandals.  Some, like those in the military, may have to move and cannot sell their homes and have to forfeit the home they bought.  There are others, as well who just have financial crises and family problems, job lose, etc.  In this article, I'm talking only about those people who, instead of finding ways to make ends meet honestly, turn to making a quick buck as an answer.  There may be some people who turn to this life of crime or vandalism once and then find their way out again without letting anything get on their permanent records.  However, there are still so many more out there who allow themselves to be swept up with the lie that "it's okay because everyone is doing it" or "just one more time and I'll quit this drug and won't need the money anymore."

I sincerely believe that anyone, anyone can go through a hard time in their lives due to unforeseen circumstances.  A job can be taken out from under them, a loved one can die, a tornado or flood can take out a house where insurance won't cover it...  Good people (and I believe everyone can be good, but it's much harder to do sometimes than to be bad) will try to crawl out of their situation even if that means taking a part-time job that pays squat, or they'll give up and start over again somewhere new.  It might be hard, but there's always an honest way out, so long as one is willing to put everything they have into it.  The problem exists in the 'easy dollar' or trying to find some way out that usually results in a temporary solution that tends to hurt not only the person doing it, but those around them as well.  And perhaps if businesses paid their employees enough to live, they wouldn't have so many employees stealing from them and adding to a whole set of other problems!  But...that is for another day.