Tuesday, April 19, 2022
Just thought I'd pop in here again after it had been some time since I've been playing Minecraft. So, I started a Minecraft YouTubec channel which I thought was pretty spiffy. I've even gotten about 13... or so subscribers? Most of them organic, a few of them friends and a few family, but I really haven't been getting many views or anything, so it's still growing. I only started posting minecraft videos about...hrm... two months ago. But the reason I wanted to type today is because I had a really rough weekend. I have been posting these videos online for a little while, pretty proud of all of the hard work and creativity that has gone into not only having to record, but narrate, edit, add in music, and come up with building things and trying to think of interesting topics to do that might make me stand out from other YouTubers. And I like it, and it's fun for me and relaxing and I've even had my first troll, even if it was a brief shrug - it was still a COMMENT and I was so happy! It was Easter weekend and my mom and my in-laws were over, and yes, I'm a 42 year old something who's been playing and posting Minecraft videos, but dammit, I was PROUD of those. My Mother in law complained about the sound. Well, yes, I do tend to speak kind of quietly... Okay, that can be improved with a better system over time if I get more viewers maybe it'll be worth adding in some more money to it...right? I was bothered of course, so it started to weigh on me and I'm like - I can fix this easily, right? I have a good microphone, let's work on getting this fixed. So I started researching good mixers to possibly help my sound...sound better, you know? Headset on, watching the YouTube video and my Mom was sitting on her laptop behind me so I thought it was all hunky-dory, she'd be entertained on her own thing. But then came the nagging - "I'm sure whatever that is isn't THAT important..." And it just really hit me because for FORTY-TWO years all I wanted was my mother's support in everything I do, and no matter what damn hobby I pick up she's never happy for me. I used to draw and write and she'd never hang it on the fridge or put it in a frame. It would get shoved in a drawer or box somewhere. I would make ornaments for the Christmas tree and they'd get put on the "kids" tree but not her shiny white and blue tree. For a time I worked on writing novels but no one wanted to read them unless I shoved it in their faces. I worked on an online store for awhile and she was sort of supportive of that but I felt critized for everything. So....yeah... I got really upset, the "straw that broke the camel's back" or whatever you want to say - but I just broke down. I hid in the closet for an hour and NO ONE CAME TO LOOK FOR ME. Eventually I had to pee and I climbed out again and then my husband was like "oh, you're back." SIGH. I'm fighting on and making the most of my videos though. I just posted 16 and 17 (scheduled for future release) and I'm feeling pretty content that I'm still making better videos than some YouTubers out there. It's just that I'm so bummed that no one from my own family or close friends bother to watch what I make or care about it the way I do. Maybe...maybe someday I'll find some friends who care the same way I do.