Focus on My Mental Health - pt. 11 - The Female Burden

     What makes up the female burden?  In a society where we should have stepped over this unfair system of gender inequality, the current presidency has really made it obvious that we're far from being unequally burdened by our gender roles.

     I could probably turn blue talking about how white male stereotypes are not even close to being broken, although there's definitely a push toward this goal; we've also found a sudden pushback because of this feel that many males (and many females, quite honestly) think that there shouldn't be equality.  And I could go on for hours about how men and women don't get equal pay for equal work, and I've already talked a bit about it in the past, but what I'm really here today for is something that I've been feeling about myself this past month, and that is the inability for most women (including myself) to get out from this shadow that we're under, especially when it comes to careers, housework, making money, and making lives for ourselves.

     Let me explain.

     It's been a month since I've been without a job.  I'd worked in retail for very nearly 20 years and had worked my way up until I almost had my own store to run, twice, but each time that I had gotten close to being able to take that next step, something stopped me. And eventually that holding pattern of not taking that next step made it so I was easily crushed (let's just say women who are determined can be just as cut-throat and nasty as men and will easily step on anyone in their way).  But because of my honest nature, I've really never managed to break out of that holding pattern and get to that next step in my life.

     And just why is that?  I guess it's because that ladder-climbing mindset means climbing over some people and stepping on fingers and kicking people off the ladder (I rather like this mental picture as I feel that's what happened to me, I stayed under someone too long and they got tired of me looking up their skirt or something and just shoved me off!) and I just have never felt good about being that person.  Of course, I've worked with plenty of them in the past and know exactly how to do it, but let's just say that I don't want to go to heaven one day and have a list of the people I sacrificed in order to get where I was... or rather not going up, but down to hell because of all of that.

     Let's just say there are probably plenty of women who didn't have to be cutthroat and probably got where they were going without the evil, and I'd really like to work for one of those women someday because I think that's the boss more of us need in our lives.  That's the kind of person that children should be able to work for so they too can dream about being kind bosses and knowing what it's like to get there on your own without having to step on people along the way.  It's honesty and integrity and America just doesn't see those things as virtues any more.

     There are probably just as many people out there who will throw you under the bus rather than ever give you a second glance, and for those people, I just want to say "SCREW YOU" because YOU are what's making this country a terrible place to live in right now!

     How in the world does this pertain to be the female burden?

     I'm getting to it.

     I'd say 90% of women are raised with a set of values: find a job, marry, have kids, take care of the household, and do it all with graciousness, a smile on your face, and don't be a damn burden on anyone because if you are then you are to blame here.  You didn't do your job right.  You didn't do what your husband wanted, or you didn't make enough money or raise your kids correctly.

     Maybe you that is reading this right now are one of the lucky 10% out there with parents who taught you how the world really works.  Maybe you learned it on your own once you were in college.  Maybe you decided that your life was more than kids and marriage and housekeeping, and I'll say that's great.  But society still demands a whole heck of a lot from you.  Even other women demand these things from you, and if they think you're not doing as much as they are (like raising a dozen children for example) then they'll scoff and demean you.

     That's where the female burden comes in.

     Because even if we don't think about ourselves that way, I can guarantee you that 99 of a 100 people are thinking about us that way when they see us on the street, when they see us struggling with children or having a fight with our husbands or whether they see us struggle to find a job.  Society still wants all of these things from us and it's all set up to destroy what we're fighting for; women still can't make as much as men because we still have to do the majority of the house work so we're stuck working part-time jobs, or taking care of the kids, or we're being forced to wear makeup or dress nicely or have to spend our free time doing all of the things that women have to do because that's what's demanded of us.

     And because of this societal demand on us, it starts to creep in on our lives.

     That's where my female burden has come in.  And it's not exactly what you think either.  My personal burden is feeling like I'm a burden.  I have a mindset that I should not be a burden on someone, but also that I don't want to unnecessarily burden myself in my future life either by staying at home and being a 'housewife' because I see what that did to my mom growing up, and only now that I'm nearly - gasp - FORTY - I'm starting to see the signs of what had happened and I have been determined that I would not be that kind of person who depends solely upon another human being.

     Does that mean I don't depend on my husband?  Hell no, of course I depend on him!  We HAVE to depend on one another to get by in this society.  But I also have always wanted to contribute my equal share to both finances and home life and when that's suddenly broken down, it's just killing me internally.

     And yet, I have very little demand on me because I'm a woman.  My stress is mine.  It's a burden I've placed upon myself.  It's a burden that most women place upon themselves.  

THE BURDEN WE PLACE UPON OURSELVES IS THE FEMALE BURDEN.

     My burden is one that is self-inflicted, but it's also in an effort for equality, but the more I job hunt, the more I realize just how difficult it is for me, knowing what hurdles I have in front of me.  If I choose to get into that job field again where it's eat or be eaten, I think I'll die internally again.  But I think if I get into a mind-numbing job of the insurance salesman, I think that would kill me too.  So, I've been applying everywhere, veterinarian offices, glaziers, bookstores, insurance companies, garden centers... and nothing comes back.  I have too much experience in a single field that I don't want to go back to, and I don't want to be a manager anymore, but that's all I've got.

     And yes, I have a husband that's okay with me taking my time finding a job.  He had the same issue when we were dating and I only told him that I wouldn't marry him until we'd settled the credit card debt because I didn't want either of us to be a burden upon one another.  And I worked hard the entire time, full time, all sorts of hours, working all sorts of stressful situations, and I was miserable the entire time, but I continued on.  And he supported me saying he'd try for something better, he'd take care of me no matter what I wanted to do.  And heck, he was starting to do that even before we'd officially started dating - he'd literally started thinking about how to 'save' me long before we were a thing.  

     I really love that.  But I also feel as guilty as hell about it too.

     So for a time I thought I'd start doing things creatively, be my own boss, that sort of thing.  Why not?  But when you start to do the math, setting up craft tables, for instance, really breaks down.  I need to pay for the table space, then pay for stock, then make stock, which takes time (for example, I spent probably $15 on stock, but took 6 hours to make 9 things...  Say I want to make $15/hr doing this job and a table costs $60...  I'd have to sell those 9 things at $18 each to pay for the supply cost, the table, and myself...and oh, how many hours would it take to sell those 9 things at $18 each, because if it takes six hours more to sell them at $15?  I'd have to make them $28 instead, and that's not counting taxes taken out and the fact that no one is going to pay that much money for a little wooden hand-painted ornament that should cost between $5-10.)

     And maybe I should get a part-time job to supplement it?  Then there's no point because why am I working two jobs and neither of them are giving me insurance which is the number 1 reason that I need a job in the first place.  The dentist keeps harassing me for the appointment I cancelled, and the pharmacy kept hassling me about a prescription I couldn't pick up because I don't have money for it anymore, so yeah, that means I have to go into a full-time job again unless my husband does find a better job to take care of us and then there's that "being a burden" thing again.

     As I said, this whole thing is really making my life miserable.  Would I still be miserable if my husband made $100k a year instead of $40K?  Probably.  Because what if he died before retirement?  What if I was like my mom and hadn't been supporting myself for years and thus slowly went into debt during my old age because I'd lost the ability to take care of myself?

     I'd still be miserable.

     I'm honestly not sure that anything will be done about this in my life time.  I was raised the way I am and even though I try to keep the most open of minds that I can, there's things that have been so well ingrained in my psyche it's nearly impossible for me not to go back to them over and over again.  It's another one of my burdens that I must bear.

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     I'm sorry this kind of just dwindled out, but it was more of a stream of conscience with me trying to write something that might be more officially bloggy than it is.  I'm practicing at least.  I've never been very good with feminism or civil rights or any of that stuff, but I'm learning.  I was raised a very devote Christian Republican that believed that it was MEN that held the power and the women had to be there to help them no matter what, but I've never believed that we shouldn't also help ourselves.  But I also don't like the hate, the inequality and belief that some people are better than others and that's what gets us ahead in life.  I just can't, because God made us equal.  He put MAN and WOMAN into the garden.  It doesn't say anywhere about putting white men here and black men here...  Or if you don't believe in creation then you should believe that every human came from the same creature as it crawled out of the ocean, which means that no one was any better than anyone else to begin with - no matter which way you look at it!

     But I'm also here to say that I'm trying to find a way to keep my life together and on this Monday I decided to create my own "work day" by spending my 10-5 day (at least) working on stock for my craft table and at the very least if I get it all ready now, come August I'll be ready if I have another job or not.  And also working on chores and getting other things done as well.

     Wish me luck, I'm still a work in progress.

     

     

Rant: Equal Pay and Unpaid Labor in the Household

     So, for those of you joining me for the first time in this blog, welcome.  I've done some edits since I posted this rant this afternoon as I had some of my friends really throw me for a loop by saying I was "dead wrong" and it caught me off-guard.  I should have known that I'd get more of the same arguments that I present here in the rant below, but I didn't think I'd get them from so many of my more liberal friends.  Well, I guess a lot of people have fallen into the same beliefs that so many conservatives have as well.
      The problem is, many of us Americans have put blinders on our eyes to those outside of our circle of friends, family and acquaintances.  We stop looking at those around who have it worse than us.  We lay blame on the innocent because WE managed to get out of the situations that I'm talking about below, but there are many, many others who cannot all over the world.  If you are reading this, you obviously want to know more about the wage gap and unpaid labor, and I've changed my approach in writing this article to include links to other articles that I read which spoke of these issues within the last few years.  I have also included a more recent link to an NBC article that speaks of Unequal Pay Day on April 4.  Unfortunately, the new administration is tearing down many of the advances we made to shortening this gap, and if you don't believe it, then please go on your way because you're too closed-minded to take what I have into consideration and I really don't need more negative feed back. (Constructive criticism and valid articles are welcome however.)  I've had enough of that as a woman all of these years as it is.  I probably wouldn't have gotten the lashing I got this afternoon if I'd been male.  And now, my "rant"....


Equal Pay

     "Equal Pay Day" happened on April 4 this year.  It's how many days a woman would have worked into the next year to have made the same amount of money as a man the previous year.  If you want to read more on it, visit this article: NBC NEWS ARTICLE: What is Unequal Pay Day?  I hadn't done enough research up until today to know the true meaning of it, or had even known it existed until April 4.
      On that day, an acquaintance on Facebook posted and article and then dared all of their liberal friends to call them out on the 'fallacy' of unequal pay.  The acquaintance was male, which I sort of expected, and he called out one of his friends who was a very outspoken, liberal female in order to counter him.  She didn't, except to say that that unequal pay actually existed.  I was a bit more outspoken, but only after reading comments left by other females pointing out just how "ridiculous" it was to say that there was inequality in wages.
     I was far more surprised at the females saying that "of course I make as much as a man" and just how many blamed other women for not making as much or not working in the same fields so it was a woman's fault.  WAIT ONE SECOND.... What?  So even women have fallen for this lie that it's a woman's fault.  If she's not making the same amount of money as a man, it's her fault.  So if a woman and a man have the same job but she's not making as much, it's her fault?
     So it's a woman's fault for choosing a job that she can do for less money and that she should go out there and get a job that pays more.  It's her fault for not choosing a better job.
     Even though when I was a child in the 1980's people said "you an be anything you want to be."  But when they put a list of jobs down in front of me, never did they say, "Well, if you really want to make money you should go into a technical field rather than go into retail."  They didn't list jobs that went to men typically.  When I went to school they never said that going into engineering or the sciences was the way to go.  I was given a list with typically "female" oriented jobs like nursing, teaching or child-rearing.
     But it's 2017!  Find a new job!  You say this to me as if it's really "that" easy.  To get into those technical jobs, the ones that pay a whole lot of money it means spending a bunch of money that I just don't have, and I'm considered "middle class".  Put yourself in the shoes of a woman who is considered lower class.  Where would she get the money to go into school to get into one of these technical jobs?  What if she has children?  I researched a carpentry technical school earlier this week and found that I'd have to wait until the class period opened, then apply to a bunch of jobs, hope one would hire me, and then also find time to go to classes 40 hours a month.  If that woman has children and a household to upkeep with a husband who also works 40 hours, do you really think that she would have time to get into it?

     Before you start going all Sigmund Freud on me, please stop reading into this article as me being unhappy with my pay.  Sure, I'm unhappy, but for different reasons than the pay-gap.  I make more than all of the males that have worked with me because I have seniority and I'm good at my job.  But I did the same job a few years ago and made almost $2 more an hour until my boss screwed me over and dropped me to a "keyholder."  And like those women who keep saying "it's your fault for not doing more" - no, no it wasn't my fault.  I have a crappy boss who also had a crappy boss and they played favorites.  She's still trying to get me to step down because she doesn't like that I challenge her.  But that's another story for another time.

     Thankfully in America as of just last year, the pay gap has shortened.  Women are starting to go into more male-oriented jobs.  Men are starting to go into more female-oriented jobs.  Problems still exist with discrimination in those jobs, but I'm not here to talk about that.  There are plenty of really interesting articles on the subject including one from a man who switched his name's with a female co-worker's for a week and found himself shunted because of how men treated him thinking he was a woman.  So go read them if you like.  I'm very proud of the females out there who can really reach out and get a job and become a CEO and such.  At least they're driven, outgoing, motivated and making a name for themselves.  But, there ARE fewer company CEOs that are women than men still, and until that gap narrows a bit more, we're still looking at about $0.83 to every $1.00 that men make.  And yes, 51% of that gap is due to a difference in job types.  I won't deny it.  And I'm sure the children that are being raised now understand that they don't have to become nurses and teachers right...?
     There are a whole lot more articles about that online you can read about how low income and lower educated children make up a big chunk of those people who are sitting at the bottom of the workforce.  Can they make it big for themselves?  Doubtful.  They're in school districts who have a huge disadvantage when it comes to training them to be ready for the technological world they're living in right now and it'll will take a whole ton of motivation and a whole lot of luck for them to pull themselves out to get on that track.  Females in the lower education areas still believe that they are nothing without a man, oftentimes they'll marry young, have kids and never finish education, very few will ever go anywhere in their lives.  Would they want to?  Yes, most likely, but would they have the training to be able to do this?  No.  Without a proper education the world is closed off to them and they don't even know what could be out there for them.  That saying of "what you don't know can't hurt you" is actually false, because many of these lower income families hurt by not knowing that there's a bunch more out there.  And it's even worse in other countries.
     My own, personal experience growing up in a relatively low-middle class neighborhood surrounded with middle-to-upper class kids made me realize some things as an adult.  Yes, I was able to go to college, yes, I could have done a whole lot more to have advanced myself, but I was completely unaware of the disadvantages of the direction in college I chose.  Neither of my parents had completed any upper education so they were completely unaware of the challenges that would face me.  For them, those who went into college automatically became successful.  It doesn't happen like that anymore, but for many, we have the internet at our disposal and we can learn things about the world and jobs.  I for one would have told my past self to have at least gone into business classes if I wanted to remain in retail.  My parents never would have thought in a million years to suggest that, not because they wanted me in a 'woman's job' they just didn't know.
     Again, I can see my own, personal failures and I know how to fix them.  But because of mental problems: anxiety and depression, I have problems doing anything about it.  I've persisted and I've told myself that I need to either be happy in my job, or I need to do something about it.  And besides those poor and uneducated, there's a whole lot just like me who have it even worse to the point they can't even get a job because the world never prepared them for how cut-throat it is to "make it big".

     For now, that's all I have to say on the subject of wage inequality.  I honestly need to learn more about it, but I think it's unfair to lay 100% of the blame on women for not making as much as men.  The inequality exists and it should be addressed at the very least in raising children so that they can make educated choices on what they want to do and not let gender be a deciding factor, whether they are female or male.
   

Unpaid Labor in the Household

     So, as I thought about it this afternoon after getting bombarded by negativity this afternoon, I wondered if this topic was a completely different subject from Equal Pay.  But I still felt that it played a part, and after doing some research on the topic, found I'm not all that far off in my understanding.  I just needed to tweak my wording better to explain my feelings.  Apparently I'm not the only one who believes that the wage gap has something to do with unpaid labor in the household, but I just didn't quite have the phrasing down.  So if you're actually interested in unpaid labor, please read the following two articles from a bit over a year ago:

NY TIMES ARTICLE : 2/23/2016

THE ATLANTIC ARTICLE: 02/16/2016

     To summarize the articles: women spend more time doing unpaid labor than men do.  By having to spend more time doing these unpaid tasks, they have less time to do paid tasks like working full-time jobs.  Thus, there is more of a pay-gap because these women spend more time taking care of households and children.  They also spend less time doing leisure activities than men do.  The Atlantic article actually shows this unpaid labor gap via a graph in various countries around the world and how much time is spent by women versus men.  In most of the examples, women do more unpaid work than men.  Read it if you don't believe it.  The gaps may have shortened in a year, but I doubt that it's shortened enough to be significant.

     Do I believe that my time is spent doing more chores than my husband spends at his leisure?  HELL YES I DO.  Okay, I've got it out there.  It's true.  Am I angry about it?  Sometimes.  Do I want to spend more leisure time myself?  Heck yes.  But I've also seen what my household looks like after I've been sick or thrown into a pretty bad bout of depression for a week.  Do I want to live in a pig-sty?  No.  Is it my husband's fault?  Yes...and No.

     One of my friend's this afternoon pointed out that I was kind of passive-aggressively pointing out my unhappiness with my husband in this rant.  (Not those exact words but let's tell it like it is, I sort of was.)
     Since I moved out of my parent's house, I have had a lot less time to do things that I would call "leisure."  I'm pretty sure there are plenty of women who find themselves in the same boat.  We have household chores to tackle because we were raised to take pride in our homes.  I know there's a bunch of women who are probably the opposite (and probably a lot of men who would rather have a cleaner household and spend more time cleaning than their wives do - so I won't discount them!)  And I'm sure there are plenty of households where both parties are either slobs or both of them like cleaning.  I'm at a disadvantage in some cases because I know I could just lay off chores for awhile and do what I want to do, but I was also raised to keep a tidy house and I also have terrible allergies which means I'll be sick if I don't do these chores on a regular basis either.  My husband was raised in a rather more lax environment where cleaning was done when necessary and he doesn't see chores the same way I do.
     That's not to say that I don't believe he doesn't do enough chores, but I do believe he spends less time on those chores than I do.  He cooks, he does dishes, he takes care of the cat litter, he takes out the garbage, cleans the toilets on occasions and will do other chores that I ask of him if I remember to ask him to do them.  When I do those same chores, I tend to spend more time doing them because I do them more thoroughly.  Some of the chores that we both shared once I have taken over entirely because I felt that he wasn't doing them to my standard.  Am I complaining about it?  Yes.  Do I believe that by complaining it will fix all my problems?  No.  Do I believe that he can change overnight to do them the same? Nope.  No-Siree.  Because many men like my husband don't see chores the way I do.  The few extra minutes that I spend scrubbing that toilet means I don't have to do it for another week, but that quick swish he does means we'll be scrubbing it a few days down the line.  I take pride in my chores as a job well done.  He sees them (I think) like a hurdle he has to over-come the fastest way he can to get onto other more enjoyable things.
     Am I going to let it get me down?  No.  Will I complain about it sometimes?  Heck yes.

     Just like so many other women who deal with this problem, we make our own beds so we have to lie in them.  That's just how it is.  But should it be this way?  Probably not.  I argued that the USA is still a Patriarchal society.  Does that mean that men are the majority?  No.  It just means that men have the advantage.  Do all men take that advantage?  No. I'm proud that my husband isn't one of those, but for a very, very long time in the USA men did (and still do in some cases).  Men have the advantage of still being the 'bread winner' because they can't have children, so the wives have that privilege.  Women were raised to do the chores and men were raised to do the work and then spend their time off at their leisure.  Let's be a bit more specific - in a Capitalistic society like ours, the men make money by selling things, the women spend the money by buying food and necessities for the home.  Do women spend more money than men?  Yeah, but we're buying things for the home and for children.  That doesn't mean women are better off or make more money than our male counterparts, men just don't have as much of an interest in shopping than women do.  We don't run the country though...white men do.

     Where am I going with all of this, you ask?  Why am I bringing all of this up in the rant on equal pay?  Well, someone called me out saying that the time spent on household chores shouldn't be brought into the pay-gap. (I did math and everything comparing if we did get paid for all of the hours we spent working paying and non-paying jobs which figured into about a $3/hr difference.)  Sure it's not like I can say to my work that they need to pay me more because I spend 20 hours a week on chores and my husband's not spending the same amount.  But I do think that I personally have lost a lot of the drive that I used to have before I had a house and chores to do.  Is it my fault?  Yes.  Did I chose this?  Mostly yes.  Is this rant all about me?

No.

     Just like with finding a job, women need to be taught equality at a young age.  But in this case, I think men need to be taught equality in the home at a young age.  I see it all over my neighborhood where the girls do chores but the boys rarely do anything.  IF they do chores, they get paid for them (like walking the dog, taking out the trash or mowing the lawn) but the girls rarely get paid for the chores they are given (washing dishes, setting the table, tidying a bathroom).  There are more articles about if it you want actual numbers associated with this.  Truthfully I was raised equal to my brother on how much money I received versus the chores I did, but it wasn't always equal between my brother and I, and I recognized the unfairness in how we were raised.  Boys and girls both must learn what it takes and learn to share responsibilities for a family equally.

     For those of you reading this who actually do share all of your chores and uphold the same cleanliness standards - kudos!  I'm glad that you've actually broken out of the cave-man era.  But for those of you who have not, do you ever think about how our ancestors basically screwed us over by perpetuating the myth that women must be homemakers and men breadwinners?  I do.

     Let your knowledge become an empowerment for men and women alike and teach them in the ways of equality.  Stop ignoring that it's not there because you don't personally see it in your own life or in those near you.  It's there.  You just have to open your eyes to look for it, and then realize that you have the power to at least try to make sure it ends with you.

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     Before everyone goes Freudian on me again, I want to point out that I completely re-wrote this rant because I was numb and depressed that my "friends" were so harsh in their arguments against what I said.  I did research and I still stick firm in my beliefs that women and men are treated unequally in many respects still today.  HOWEVER....  Before you start saying that there's some underlying reason behind me writing this, STOP.  My husband is loving, decent, and kind.  He and I share our lives and we balance our chores and work accordingly.  Am I jealous of his free time?  Of course I am.  Could I do something about it?  Possibly.  But would I suffer for that change in lifestyle?  Most likely I would for awhile until I could settle into it.  But would he allow me to do it?  Of course.  The only thing that is stopping me is ME.  I recognize that, I do not blame my situation on my husband.  I blame much of myself for suffering with anxiety and depression which I could control with medicines, but I hate to become dependent upon them.  I'm also very introverted and I would much rather be a follower than a leader.  I have pushed myself out of my comfort-zone many times in order to try to break out of this mold, but when you have problems in your life that hold you back, it's a very slow process.
     The fact that I write this blog is my way of spending time at my leisure doing something I enjoy to do.  I LOVE writing.  I went to college for it.  But I've been constantly side-lined by friends and family for years.  When I said I wanted to write in High School my guidance Councillor said "you should go into teaching instead".  When I wrote a novel and showed it to my mother, she read through the whole thing but she gave me very little feedback or praise.  I pursued writing in college and had many professors say I should continue writing.  I wrote a ton during my college years, but when I looked for opinions on my original writings from friends and family no one wanted to take the time to read all of it and no one encouraged me.  When I wrote fanfiction I got tons of encouragement but realized I couldn't make a career out of it and tried to go back to my original writing and got no where time and time again.  Did I allow myself to stop?  No.  I've been writing every day for 20 years.  
On a more personal note:  (FYI: swearing will begin in 3 sentences...)

     But out of that 20 years I keep getting slammed by my friends and family.  I get no encouragement from them.  When I write pieces about things that interest me they either get completely ignored or slammed for being wrong.  Well.... FUCK YOU.  I'm writing what I believe and if you disagree then STOP DAMN READING WHAT I HAVE TO WRITE.  Stop cutting me down like I'm a stupid-ass woman who knows nothing.  I'm sick of your lame attempts to correct me.   If you are my friend then you should consider what I have to say and then give me your opinion (with proof if you have it) and we'll discuss it in a nice, civilized manner.  Otherwise just don't say anything at all because you're not my friend if you're just going to slam me down.
      I really don't need the kind of negativity that I got in my life today when I posted something I wanted to rant about.  It's my feeling and my opinion on it, and if you don't like it, then maybe you really don't know me enough to call yourself my friend either.
     
     I'm going to keep writing, whether you like what I have to say or not.  Thankfully we still have free speech...at least for awhile.

Tidbits around the House

There's no real purpose to me having a picture of Olivia on here except for the fact that she's adorable and fluffy and even though she sheds like crazy, she's still my favorite cuddle cat.  Lately, she's starting to come out of her shell a bit more again since we brought home Tenchi, the littlest addition to our crew.  Of course, now he's not exactly little anymore, as he's just as tall as Olivia and only a pound away from her at 6 months.  I have a feeling he's going to be our biggest cat.

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As I was wandering about the house yesterday, fighting an infestation of ants trying to eat the cat food in the kitchen, I recalled the fact that we had a package of ant traps under the kitchen sink.  I hadn't even had my first cup of coffee for the morning as I swept, mopped, and eventually set down the traps in the corners where I saw them coming from.  I think after having our new patio built that they had a new way to get into the house.  My husband was a bit wary about using traps since they kill off the entire community of ants, but as I reminded him, if there are so many ants in the yard that some find a way inside, then there are too many ants.  On the plus side, this morning I have not seen any ants, and maybe it's because it's finally stopped raining for more than two hours (the sidewalk is actually dry the first time in almost a week).  But I'm happy that they've decided to move on...

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Here's a helpful tip if you ever buy a milk carton that's the old fashioned cardboard kind.  If it doesn't have a screw cap, then use a paperclip to seal the opening shut again.  It'll keep things like creamer, heavy cream, and even regular milk good longer than just closing it and shoving it back in the fridge.

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What really irritates me about working retail sometimes is the fact that people have the tendency to look down on you.  Not sure exactly why that is, because I know people who don't work retail and make less than I do, and really, if you don't have a college degree of some sort, most retail stores won't hire you for a management position, that's just how it is.  But just the other day I was calling out for the next in line.  "I can help who's next!"  I said cheerfully.  The woman that came up put her items on the counter and practically growled at me, "URGH!"  I blinked a couple of times thinking she was irritated for having waited too long (which is usually why they get mad...or it's because they couldn't find something.  Usually I can either apologize to make them feel better or find the item, at least, usually.)

"Is something wrong?"  I asked, almost hesitating to find out what was going on.

"It's NOT, 'Can I help whose next?', that's NOT proper English.  And you people always say that, every time I come in, it's just wrong."  I stared at her, tried to explain that not everyone said it that way, but then it occurred to me that I wasn't wrong, because, in fact, I was saying the contraction of "who" and "is" - hence, "who's".  She was still going on about how it was the "English teacher in her" that couldn't stand to hear it said wrong.  I rung her items and said, "May I help the person who is next in line.  Is that better??"

"Yes, that's better."  The woman then left and I shook my head, because it really wasn't any different than saying "May I help the person who's next in line?"  And the fact that she had to jab in there that she was an English teacher, as if all of us working in retail are stupid.  I, in fact, have a degree in English as well.  I've thought at various times that maybe what I was saying wasn't correct, but the truth was, I even looked it up in the Associated Press Handbook to see if the contraction was real.  It is.  But for some reason I think she thought I was saying "whose" which would be incorrect.  Unfortunately with the English language, the two words, "whose" and "who's" sound identical.  The fact that she got upset and didn't say, "are you saying the contraction?" means that she got angry without thinking it through.  It was worse than when someone has to point out the distinction between "can you" and "will you".

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Speaking of English pet peeves; I have a few of my own.  Recently, it's mostly to do with when people add an "s" to the end of a word that isn't supposed to have one.  A few examples:  Targets, Walmarts, Meijers, JCPennys, HotTopics, and Krogers.  I've noticed that oftentimes it comes more frequently in Southern areas, but then again, everyone at home up North used to call it "Meijers" too.  Now, I have thought about it a bit to think that perhaps this comes from our past when places were named after a specific person.  And maybe back in the day it would have been "Kroger's Grocery" meaning some person named Kroger owned a grocery store.  So, perhaps, as stores eventually grew big, they dropped the possessive "'s" and stuck with the last name by itself.  Not all stores did this, I know that, but I wonder if in the collective conscience, some people still think of the stores as belonging to someone.

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I wish it were possible to just become immune to Salmonella poisoning or whatever other bugs exist on food that make you sick.

The reason I say this is because I just came back from a trip to West Virginia and while there ate at a Chinese restaurant that my husband loves.  He's been eating there for years, and now I sort of have been too, but things were getting a bit sketchier over the last few visits, and then suddenly a friend and I both ordered Egg Drop soup and we both got food poisoning pretty bad.  Seems that I keep getting it once every few months to the point where I just don't want to eat anywhere that I feel a bit weird about the food.  This time it was a slightly suspicious green colored egg in the soup.  Didn't think too much about it because I've had odd colored pieces in the soup before without much trouble.  However, what should have made me stop eating it was the fact that the soup wasn't broiling hot like they usually get it.  Usually they're bringing out your egg roll or your meal by the time it cools down enough to eat without scorching your tongue.  This time, no such luck, which meant that whatever was in that bad bugger was still alive.  SO...  A note to you, if your egg drop is not scalding hot, don't eat it!

As for the picture above, this was the sunset above my in-law's house on the night before we left.  I was recouping from the food poisoning by that point, thankfully.  I'm just glad it hadn't been so bad that I couldn't go places, because I've been sick like that and on vacation, it's just not any fun.

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On a last note, I think because we've been having almost monsoon type weather (which, for the record, I actually like rather than last year when we got only a couple rains during the whole summer), we've also got a bunch of bugs.  With the hoard of bugs (remember the ants I talked about?) there are also a ton of birds.

I've heard a saying once that "you never see baby pigeons".  Well, these aren't baby pigeons, but a close cousin, the mourning dove.  Each year we have at least one pair of mating doves that hang out in our yard, and usually they find themselves a nice spot on our fence to build a nest.  This year it was in the back corner above a lilac bush.  The reason you "never see a baby pigeon" is they usually stay in the nest until they almost look like an adult (only a bit smaller in stature) and then they're let out to fly.  Unfortunately I'm pretty sure only one of these little ones survived, as I only saw one of them after this once it was able to fly.  The other probably went to a neighboring cat.

We have two, a black one, and a calico-looking tan stripe/white cat, both pretty fluffy.  I call them "him" and "her" consecutively.  "He" will come up and stare in the back door at my cats and since he looks like my Mina, sometimes I get a heart attack thinking she's gotten outside.  "She" will roll around in the catnip growing in the back yard.  Both of them, when they get too close to the Mockingbird that lives around here, will get attacked and chased away by the little gray bird!

And the robins around here....Oh I swear to you those things are horny.  Already they're on their second brood this summer.  First set had one baby, and now we have two hanging out on the fence pooping everywhere.  At least it's better than the first one who chose to sit on my porch chair and I had to scrub that bugger like crazy.

I will leave you with one last thought:  Have you ever seen a baby pigeon?