Case in point, the music that I like to listen to.
I did a deep-dive not long ago and realized, I only rarely mentioned favorite songs or albums I'd bought recently even though in reality I obsessed endlessly over these songs. Albums or specific songs would be on repeat on the CD player until one of my parents told me to come out of my room and spend time watching TV with them instead. I'd just switch to my headphones and keep on listening.
My deep-dive through the past few years made me realize that for a good portion of my life as CDs had started to become less available, I'd more or less stopped listening to music. I'd given away my CD player, stopped turning on the radio during the day when I cleaned, and only occasionally I'd turn on Media Player on my computer and spin up some tunes.
Then the pandemic happened. I snagged up Bastille (Give me the Future) and I started buying up other albums. Mostly ones I could still get in CD form so that I'd have a copy for my car as I drove back and forth to work, ripped it to my PC, listened to it until the next thing came along.
I was back BABY...
Sorta?
Let's fast forward to winter of 2025. I'd gotten into this band, Twenty One Pilots, they'd put out Blurryface some 8 years before, I don't know when I picked it up. I remember when they put out Scaled & Icy in 2021, right after the pandemic. Hell, I live in the frickin' town they've been performing in since I moved here, but they were barely on my radar. But for some reason when I heard about Clancy, I was like - you know what? It's time to get something brand new. I'd heard something on the radio, I don't know which song they put out first, but I had it in my hands pretty close to release this time.
It was constantly in my car to the point that my husband bought us tickets to one of the three showings in Columbus, and even though we'd seen Fall Out Boy earlier that year and I was blown away by that concert...this one was just something ELSE.
The fans were COSPLAYING. These were MY people. How had I been missing out on this? There was a whole deep story and lore, characters and music videos and people were obsessed to the point they were writing fanfiction and drawing pictures of these two guys from my town, and that pretty much sealed it for me.
I bought up every other album I was missing (that was in print) and later picked up the ones that weren't from other fans on the internet.
When they announced the final record (sob, I'd come into this so late) I ordered two copies, got tickets to the first tour date and have been waiting on eggshells for the next release, post, clue, video, etc since then.
But, why the heck would I title this "Edwin McCain" - isn't that some dude and his band from the 90's? Why aren't you talking about Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun here?
Well, let's go back there. There was a dude who had a song on Dawson's Creek and it blew up and I bought his album, and then two more before they just disappeared (to me).
And now tonight, I put on a random video from Rick Beato, he'd just posted today, I didn't know who he had on, thought it would be a cool video to have on in the background while I wrote in my diary (see, I'd bring it back around) and the guy's voice was just sorta familiar. Then they finally said "Edwin..." and I'm like WAITAMINUTEISTHIS... EDWIN MCCAIN? I KNOW that guy (his music).
Rick I'd found after watching far too many music reviews and deep-dives into how music production was made, something I've always been fascinated by but never got further than composing Mario Paint tunes.
Sure enough, I'd watched 30 minutes of this chat they were having and it struck me that this was the dude I thought had just fallen off the radar at some point. He's been out there, still doing his thing, but not putting out big fancy songs on the radio.
What struck me was when Rick asked what Edwin would call his music genre and he couldn't answer. He's kinda considered an Indie band now but the songs were always all over the place on their albums. There'd be a pop rock hit, followed by some countryfied anthem, blues, and then some religious song after that.
And it occurred to me - this is what I always looked for in music. It's my calling card so to speak. Great vocals, songs that maybe didn't make sense, but did to me at the time, made me cry, made me dance, put on repeat for hours on end...and throw in a bit of God in there somewhere. A confusion sounds, themes and everything in between.
Edwin McCain fit that label for three albums.
Twenty One Pilots fits that for over seven albums (I now own EVERYTHING).
Bastille's jumped around everywhere (listen to Bad Blood and then Ampersand and you'll get it)
Matchbox Twenty
Fall Out Boy
You'll get it. It needs to be different, it needs to be filled with feeling.
I used to take pride when I'd find a pop band that thanked God in their thank you notes. That used to mean a lot when I could listen to a song that was 'sorta religious'. But Edwin wasn't apologetic, on one of his final albums he straight up wrote a song "Jesus, He Loves Me".
But it's odd how things have changed to me in that regard.
It's not that I have given up on religion, but I have given up on the people who preach it their way. And oh boy are my eyes opened to how many people use it to better themselves and no one else. I remember the hollow preaching of my final church who's pastor literally spoke the same sermon three weeks in a row - 'lean on your fellow man' - okay, that's great, what's next? "Depend on your Neighbor..." okay, that's kind of the same thing.
He really needed a paycheck... oh, sorry, tithings.
They moved locations before we went to church again and couldn't find them again. I know, it's rather weird, that's a whole different story, probably not for another time.
Listen to a few of these songs for me.
"Darwin's Children" - Edwin McCain
"Implict Demand for Proof" - Twenty One Pilots
"Trees" - Twenty One Pilots
"Save My Soul" - Bastille
These are people who know, on a deep level that they're teetering between two sides. The side we all went to be saved, we want to have hope, have faith...but it's difficult. VERY hard to know too much because then your eyes get opened up and you realize that it's not that easy.
Once you get to that point in your life you have a couple choices. You can choose to throw yourself into that Faith - but you'll feel fake for it the rest of your life. You can choose to throw it away, but you'll always feel guilty because of the WHAT IF?
Or you can stay on the fence, always teetering.
Like a musician who can't pick a genre.
Like a 50 something guy who fought like crazy to become a pop hit for a brief time in the 90's and then decided, you know what, I don't care anymore, and went back to playing small stages because that's where he decided he belonged.
And I really enjoyed hearing about it now, years later.
I recently re-discovered a guy named Peter Mulvey I met a few times in college who's also still playing. But that's another story for a different time.
