Sunday, March 15, 2020

Focus on Me - pt. 3 - Low Self-Esteem

     Maybe this entry would be better fit as a "mental health" entry as opposed to a focus on me...but then again I kind of just want to whine for a few minutes while I'm waiting on this book to print out for my brother.  What he doesn't get is that yes, I found the PDF of this out of print book he wanted, but's NOT easy to print out, not when my printer keeps calling for more toner (which it doesn't need) and also just decides to fall asleep halfway through because it doesn't feel like it or something?
     But that's not what I'm here to complain about, what I am whining about is how things are going at my job.  Training was sort of rough because there was a lot of information to focus on, but after a few weeks of stressing out about it I'm slowly growing accustomed to the crazy stuff.  Then they gave me an opportunity to change time periods and I didn't realize they were limiting this time period to only two people.  That's fine, but I barely sit near that person, and when they re-arranged our seats I'm almost completely alone and feel little to no teamwork now.
     Everyone keeps saying how I'm rocking the calls... Well, I have no distractions, no one to talk to, and have no need to do anything but take calls.  Of course, I'm going to take more.  None of my other teammates barely say a word to me and I feel somewhat like I'd abandoned them to go to a different time so I feel bad about that and don't even really bother.
     Then there's the fact that I've started to notice some of the people who aren't doing as well as me keep getting to focus on other projects.  They're even getting time set aside to work...on what, I have no idea.  No one tells me.  I was starting to look forward to having a project myself but come to find out it's only on a quarterly basis I guess...?  Everyone around me leaves for hours at a time, but because I'm seated near a bunch of supervisors I also feel like maybe I've been singled out...but I'm afraid to read my books when I'm bored too because I'm worried about what they think.

So I've been just a huge bundle of nerves lately.

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