Friday, May 22, 2020

How I'm Dealing with the Pandemic

     So, let's jump back in time to a year ago.  I walked out of my old job, learning to take on life one step at a time with no future ahead of me.  I knew that I wanted to work in customer service, I sorta wanted to move into a field I could be creative, I was happy to find just about any job at all where maybe I could settle into a full-time position that allowed me to occasionally work from home.  And I started my job hunt, but as the summer months wore on with only a bite or two, I stepped back from all of that.
     I got sick off and on from the stress and taught my body how to relax.  I was still anxious, still depressed, but I was being forced to stay home and not work myself to the bone as I had in retail.  I set up my office to better serve my painting needs, I opened an online store that I've (quite honestly) lost interest in now for the most part, but only because I feel like I wasn't hitting a niche that needed to be filled.  And all of my craft shows have been canceled (but more on that later).
     I spent my days working from my home more or less alone, but I worked and I made sure that I had some kind of routine.  It was a "job", albeit a fun one where I could watch YouTube videos and paint all day long but it was work.
     Then I found an actual job that completely sucked, and thankfully I got out of that soon enough and found my new job around the holidays which had the option to work from home once I got comfortable with it.  But I never felt like I needed to and I worried about my cats bugging me while on phone calls, so I didn't push to work from home.  In fact, until I was forced to in March, I'd never prepared to work from home at all.

     Then the pandemic hit, or rather the "Unpleasantness" as one of my favorite YouTubers calls it.

     Suddenly I find myself back at this desk where I'd made my creative space.  I lost most of my desk to a laptop and a second monitor, but overall, it's very similar to the schedule I kept when I didn't have a job.  Get up, get on my desk, do my work, wait until dinner, and then do other things until bed and starting over again.
     When I didn't have a job, I didn't leave the house because doing so meant spending money. Money was hard to come by when I wasn't working, and even with the normal bills I had and no extras I slowly saw my checking account disappear month after month.
      So for the few months, we weren't allowed to go out, I did pretty much what I did before.  Stayed home, maybe went for the occasional walk, haven't gone crazy spending money online because the shopping bug for me has almost completely gone away.  I kinda wish sometimes I could just get rid of a lot of the things I've gathered up over the years and when I do think about spending money I think about all the other crap I have laying around here.
     Mind you, I did finally splurge on a couple things only because I wanted to feel...I dunno, normal, again?

     Anyway, so as far as things go, my life hasn't changed too much...yet.  But you see, there are all of these other things that have really changed that I have tried to ignore.  All of the canceled events.  I haven't been able to go anywhere because things have been closed down.  Then I hurt my foot a couple of weeks ago and walking has been sporadic so I don't hurt it much more than I already have... so my one "free" outing was put on hold for a while, sadly.
     I'm mostly rambling here if you haven't noticed, so if you're keeping up with this, kudos to you!

     So now things are opening again.  I made my first purchase on Amazon yesterday in months.  I went to a store last weekend and shopped (albeit with a mask).  I'm still working from home but this last week has been so nice because I've been able to stay off the phone and just concentrate on emails for folks as we tested something so that's pretty awesome too.  I've been painting again so that's awesome too.
     But... I don't think I want to go out to restaurants.  I'm afraid of going to the mall to see how many stores won't reopen (or only for business closing sales).  I don't have a need for anything in my life besides food, mind you, and grocery stores are tolerable still.  But I worry about people getting sick and getting ME sick and I don't feel like shopping is worth it anymore.
     I don't mind wearing masks and social distancing, that's fine.  I didn't like being close to others anyway so it's not all that different!  But I still worry about getting close to people even if I WANT to be close to people.  But I don't think we've gotten to a point where it will all turn out okay yet either.  It's too soon...things returning to normal... I guess I just don't want to face this new "normal" yet.

     And the fact that people just don't seem to want to follow the rules just aggravates me.  But, whatever, do what you do and I'll do what I do, but I'll probably stay home as I do it.

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