Yesterday was the "Gotcha" anniversary or bringing Olivia home from the Humane society, and everything came crashing down around me all over again. Just seeing those sweet toe beans and remembering what a little ball of crazy she was even up to her last few months on Earth and I have my memories and videos and pictures, but I can't experience it again.
I've been trying to do things to find peace again, reminding myself of things I can do still, the things I should be working on right now, but instead I find myself going back to those moments and just being miserable instead.
I know it will get better, but the constant reminders are around me at all times.
i'd like to say, first and foremost, i'm so, so sorry about your loss. from the sounds of this post and your last one, livvy was a fixture in your life, and losing her is understandably incredibly difficult.
ReplyDeletei don't know you at all personally (i'm just some random person who checks on your blog randomly every once in a blue moon after having found it through your trigun website years ago), but nevertheless i'm happy to hear that you're mostly having good days.
still, i sympathize with your bad days. loss is a universal experience all of us humans go through, but even so, i can't possibly imagine what the details of your individual loss are like. you and your cat must have had a unique bond, and no doubt there is nobody but you who knows the particular pain you are going through. i doubt there is really anything a complete stranger could say to you to provide any real or lasting comfort.
having said that, i feel the need to make an attempt. something that brought me comfort when i experienced a loss of my own was a quote from A. A. Milne, the author of Winnie the Pooh - "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
i know it's somewhat trite and even childish, but focusing on the gratitude i felt towards the object of my loss helped me overcome the sorrow over having experienced loss in the first place. i'm not sure if that quote will lift your heart the way it did mine, but one way or another, whether through words or the simple passage of time, i'm wishing that you can find peace.
hoping the best for you